Saturday, March 6, 2010

The Plan

Well the new plan anyways, not really the plan I envisioned but a plan nonetheless. The extended plan to my cancer free life. I am doing chemotherapy first. (phew) The last thing I wanted to do is have surgery again especially one that cuts open my breast plate. yucky! There is a new drug that is currently being FDA approved that coupled with chemo has shown significant improvement on doing away with Triple Negative breast cancer. I am a candidate for trial use of this drug and I will be doing it. It's 2 types of chemo drugs plus this new drug- problem is, it is not for use for another month or so. So in the meantime my doctors do not want to wait and I will be doing another form of chemo to attack the cancer, but not remove me from the trial. Now I wait to get my chemo schedule I am assuming I will know next week when I begin.

I am not scared going into this chemo this time around, because I know what to expect. However some of the stuff I am expecting is still a dark cloud over my head. Hair loss (just when is was coming back), metallic taste, fatigue, nausea, yucky all those things(plus some) back again. But the return in investment seems much better- my life, can't beat that.

It's a strange thing this disease, from the outside I look healthy as ever, maybe a bit of weight gain but healthy. My skin and nails are the healthiest they have ever been. I have rosy cheeks decent energy it's been forever since I have even had a cold. But then there is cancer inside me trying so hard to take over. Most people see me and tell me how good I look and that makes them feel better. It's concept no one, including myself, understands she looks fine so she MUST be doing well. I am hoping and have a lot of confidence these new drugs will have my inside match my outside appearance. That will be a great day.

I am impatiently waiting for sunny Summer weather to arrive, until then I am savoring what fabulous jewels Spring brings. Beautiful white tulips on my coffee table, the rainy days that have my sweats and hot coffee screaming my name, my grass so green my husband enjoys touting that "we have the greenest grass in the neighborhood" so proud of his hard work which always makes me realize the grass is greener in my back yard. My white dog who always seems to find the one mud puddle we have and plays in it the day after we give her a bath. That always makes me laugh and bit irritated all the same time.

Until next time!

Kelly Freitas


Shawna Cottrell said...

Wow Kelly..I always love to read your blogs. Thanks for sharing with the world and giving us all-or at least me- a reality check on our own lives. I can relate to the whole "you look wonderful" comment with my mom. Everyone says "well she looks wonderful" and yes she does but behind closed doors, we know the fight that she's going through on the inside. And I thank God it is not cancer, but it's hard to see her still suffering and sick, having sleepless nights. I just think people don't know what else to say, and thats o.k. But I'm sure you do look great! You are amazing, and unbelivable. I hope you have moments of being pissed too,(cause you didn't deserve this), and you scream and cry and get it all out and then turn back to fight and kick cancer's ass! Lots of love and prayers!!

Anonymous said...

You are truely AMAZING......and with such an amazing attitude!! I love that about you!! I am so sorry that you have to do chemo again, but hopefully this new drug will do the trick and you won't have to have that surgery....I will always keep you in my prayers. I met a young lady today at work who is a cancer surviver(and her husband as well) for over ten years!! You CAN do it Kelly!! I have so much faith that you will be cancer free. God has big plans for you :)
Love always~

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