Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Red Spree

So with only 7 radiation treatments left I am SO ready to be done with these treatments! I had to take a 2 day “break” from radiation because I was in major pain and getting fevers. It is nice not to have to wake up and head straight to the hospital everyday, but really it just means I have postponed the end date 2 more days. Since I am ready to be done with this I would almost rather not have this “break”.  My skin shows all the signs of radiation treatment, red, blisters, dry flaking skin, sore and tender. I am lucky most of the feeling in that area is numb, but the places I still have feeling boy does it hurt, sharp pains waking me up in my sleep or feelings of the worst bruise I have ever had. I try and wake up everyday geared up and ready to go. Put on my heels and walk into that hospital with a smile. In fact one of my favorite nurses joked with me the day I wore Uggs to treatment…”You must not be feeling well; you’re not wearing heels!” She was right that was the day I came in with my white flag and said okay you win! That was also the day they told me I needed a break. So really who’s winning-the cancer? Not if I can help it.

When I was 10 years old my parents bought a Red Honda Spree moped. I believe it was supposed to be for my sister but we all got to use it. We took it camping a lot. So much fun to drive that thing before I really was even supposed to drive. Well I never forget the day my father taught me how to drive that scooter. I have spoken about this day to many people as an example of how I was raised, how my parents always pushed us to do better. Well there I was 10 years old and probably had no business being on a scooter at the time. My dad wanted me to learn to ride it and so did I. He took me down the street to a developing neighborhood with empty lots and a newly paved street. I had on my red helmet got on the scooter and could barely touch the ground to keep it from falling over. I first learned to start it, then he showed me how to give it gas to go and how to break. My hands where a bit shaky when I took off, a little wobbly clinching the break every so often to slow myself down. I finally got to a dead end where I had to turn around. My dad yelling “Okay turn around” and I was terrified because I knew this was going to be hard. So I slowed down and began to turn. Instead I fell to the side scrapping my leg and the new paint of the scooter, my dad came over picked up the scooter and helped me up. I was crying not only because it hurt but because I was scared. Then he looks at me and says “Get back on!” then he smiled. I said “NO”, be he insisted I get back on and try it again. I cried and said “no” but that didn’t bother him. He insisted again that I get back on and try it again, so I did. Terrified I got on the scooter and tried and tried dropping the bike a few more times on myself. Crying and arguing with my dad that “I just can’t do it” he disagreed and kept insisting. Then finally I made the turn with out falling and did it again and again. I was so happy I went from crying to laughing, still a little bit scared but so happy I finally did it. Little did I know that my lesson in scooter driving would eventually lead to a lesson in life. I am now on this different ride and so ready to get off but I know I can’t I must keep going-keep trying so that when I do finish I will be happier than ever. “No pain no gain”, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”, many sayings and phrases that I live by now. I now that the outcome will be so grand I will be smiling ear to ear. I must have patience waiting for that day. Patience-not one my better qualities.

I more recently have also been so focused on all the things I “can’t” do. Things like, I can’t work, I can’t swim, I can’t start my family, I can’t loose weight, I can’t keeps ringing in my ears. Bothered so badly at what I have been going through. I know this is not good for me so I haven been trying to focus on what I can do. I can meet my sister for lunch, I can take a nap in the middle of the day when I don’t feel well, I can go for a walk, I can sleep in, I can do lots of things. I just need to remind myself all the things I do have not what cancer has temporarily taken away from me.

Get back on that scooter and keep going.

Until next time,

Kelly Freitas


Anonymous said...

What a beautiful post Kelly! Your parents raised a very strong women! The difference between the day you learned to ride the scooter and today is your dad is not the only one here to cheer you on... remember you have tons and tons of people always thinking about and praying for you. Every time I go somewhere and see people who know you they ask about how you are doing. You are in the hearts of so many!

Stay strong use your stubborness to keep you going. You are so right the day will come that you will only be able to smile and all of this pain will be a distant memory. I pray that, that day will be soon.

I love you Kelly and remember Carlos and Amelia didn't raise any wimps :)


Melissa Good Taste said...

Thank you for that post. I needed that today! Keep on, keepin' on Kelly! - Melissa

Tiffany Peterson said...

Your honesty is so beautiful Kelly. As I read your blog, I can hear you saying it out loud. I have a big smile on my face for the "can's" - what a great reminder for all of us. I hope you are feeling better. I'm sending you big HUGE hugs for the last stretch here...big love too!! xoxo!! YOU INSPIRE ME SO MUCH KELLY!!!

Anonymous said...

A great reminder, Kelly. You looked so happy and healthy when I saw you at Target last night, I thought I would check on your progress... You certainly mask the effects of radiation well. And though most of us will never relate to what you are going through, we can still be inspired by your resilience. Thanks for sharing your ups and downs with us!


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