Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Curve ball

I probably should have taken up softball or baseball, I might have been more prepared for these constant curveballs...

My final days of radiation have been postponed. The reason, well, because the infamous rash like bumps have appeared outside the radiation area. Also Tuesday morning I found another lump under my left arm. (My original tumor was on my right side.) There I was in the shower, where at least one week I give myself a check up. It's really stupid and scary all at the same time you feel around hoping you won't feel anything and every little bump makes you lose your stomach. Well Tuesday morning I felt a lump and I definitely lost my stomach. Manny did ask me "what's wrong" that morning and I hid it from him. I didn't want to scare him and I didn't want it to be real. So off to radiation I went and as I am laying down on the table my doctor noticed my rash bumps outside the radiated area right away, which alarmed him. Then I forced myself to tell him about the lump I found earlier that morning. The look on his face for some reason made me very upset, and while I was not crying at that moment he told me "you are very strong!" it was then after he said those words I start to cry, I couldn't hold back any longer. First time ever crying in the doctors office since being told I had cancer. I was trying so hard to stop but I couldn't. I didn't want to be the person that cries and the other person feels like they can't console because you don't really know them. Even worse I felt so horrible for my favorite nurse who I could tell I upset, bringing me tissues and looking away trying to not let me see her upset.

Well I finally calmed down. The Dr explained to me he is going to call my surgeon and oncologist before he moves on with radiation that PET is a must at this point... to see where else it may have travelled and to confirm whether or not what we found is what we think it is. UGH.
So Friday morning I will have my second PET scan. Please pray that what they find is nothing.

Thanks for reading, and I apologize if this post is a bunch of rambling.

Until Next time,

SMILE! (and please pray!)
Kelly Freitas and Manny too!


Laurel said...

Oh Kelly, I'm so sorry. It must be so frustrating to think that you are at the end of this journey and to have so many unknowns crop up. We're definitely praying for you here, and crossing fingers and toes that your scan today is clean. Hang in there - you can do it!

Anonymous said...

I'm praying that your lymph node is just swollen due to your not feeling well recently. those ones on the left are having to work extra hard now. Your dr is right you are very strong (and amazing!), but it is ok to cry too and let it out. And your fave nurse obviously cares about you a lot which is really nice to know you are in such good and caring hands during your treatments. Praying for you and Manny! Love you, cousin Lisa

christine breen said...

Kelly: Your strength and honesty and grace are remarkable. And your tears are okay, too. You and Manny continue to be in my prayers. Chris

Anonymous said...

We will be praying for you sweetie. Hugs to you and Manny. Hillary & Frank

<3 Loo Hoo <3 said...

My thoughts are with you Kelly.

Anonymous said...

Hey Kelly ~ As I was reading your posts a thought came to me...

When a hitter is standing in the box staring down the pitcher, he/she is looking for some kind of sign of what's coming to the plate. Then comes the curve ball. You see it initially, get prepared for it and then suddenly you lose sight of it and you're caught off guard. TRUE hitters pick it back up, regroup and then smack the crap out of it! Go get em' babe! You got this!

Big hugs to you and Manny,
Lorri Zamzow and family

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