Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Mind Games

“Each day you stay positive is putting you another step closer to happiness.”

This quote is so true, and if there is one thing I have learned is that, for me, cancer is a mind game. Constantly trying to convince myself to overcome fears, think positively and find the good in all the bad. I usually win this battle but there are times I don’t and most recently the biggest fear for me is the surgery, keeping me up at night and waking me from nightmares. Manny keeps reminding me “Kel, just remember to be excited to remove this tumor out of your body!” So, when I am afraid… of things like major surgery, spending the night in the hospital, removing lymph nods, possible mastectomy, I try and remember the positive my husband so clearly points out to me. This unwelcome disease will soon be gone, removed from my body!

I know it’s been quite awhile since I have written on here, and I think this is partly because I have been having such bad thoughts about the surgery I didn’t have anything positive to say and couldn’t bring myself to speak so negatively. In reality the more I talk about my fears the better I feel about it. Like my cousin Julie pointed out to me, fears are better overcome when you face them and not avoid them. So here I am facing them and dealing with it.

I have recently also gone on disability, which was another hard move for me. It was yet another reminder that I had cancer and “couldn’t” do something. Now I realize that it truly is better for me and I have more time to do things that make me happy and healthy. So every morning I can I get up early and go for a walk with my dog and that feels great!

So if anyone is up for a walk or lunch feel free to give me a call! ; )

Here is something positive, with only 2 chemo treatments left, I am already growing hair! AMAZING, most patients don’t have hair growing back until after chemo but that Portuguese hair sure is tough! Funny enough now that I have more hair on my head I have less eyebrows and eyelashes… always something! haha!

Here are some pics you may or may not want to see! Me bald!

Me with no hair, but eyebrows and lashes!


Me with hair, but drawn in brows and no lashes.


Until next time (I promise to not wait as long)

Kelly Marie Freitas


Anonymous said...

You are amazing, and sooo strong I love you! And I would love to do lunch with you again:)

Lelliebells said...

"Anonymous" who are you? I would love to go to lunch if I knew who you were! -Kelly

Jade said...

You are gorgeous....with hair or without!!!! Just think about how far you've come. As scared as I can imagine you are, the surgery is one step closer to getting back to you. You are the STRONGEST woman I know. And you are so lucky to have such a wonderful husband by your side. I love you and continue to pray for you and manny EVERY day. I can't wait til the next time I'm in Hollister, we're definitely going to have to get coffee or lunch or just hang out. I miss you my friend :)

Mark silva said...

It's not the Portuguese hair cuz look at me...ha ha... you are just a special woman and this battle you have been fighting just shows it... stay strong... wish i could be there to take that walk with you.... I love you....

-- cousin marky

Tiffany (Kilgore) Peterson said...

Kelly...I LOVE your blog. You are such a beautiful goddess, inside and out. What strength you already had and are constantly building by facing these fears. Your bravery is HUGE!! I bow to you. (BIG time) I have something I've been meaning to send you...way over due. I am sending you tight squeezes and lots of good energy...I love you. Please extend my love to Manny. Keep each other close and laughing...miss you.

Laurel said...

I know surgery is scary, but listen to your darling husband and be happy that this is a big step to being cancer-free! Keep thinking positive. You are an inspiration to all of us! Sending lots of love towards California!

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