About a week before Kelly passed away she was still fighting. It was Wednesday night and I was lying next to Kelly in her hospital bed chatting with her when she asked me to get her walker out of the garage and to bring it into the house. I asked her why she wanted it and she said because she wanted to try and walk. When she told me this, I was thinking it was the cancer progression making her talk a little crazy but she insisted. I knew that there was no way that Kelly could walk short of a miracle because at this point, she had no mobility in her legs and had already lost the ability to use her entire left arm & hand. That being said, I did not want to discourage her, so I politely said “Babe, let’s get some rest and in the morning if you feel up to it, we can get the walker out”. I figured by morning she would forget about it. She was very fiery and made me promise to her that I would remind her first thing in the morning. I agreed. Well morning came and guess what, the first words out of her mouth was “please get the walker, I want to walk”. I could not believe she remembered and that she wanted to attempt the impossible. But let’s remember, this is Kelly we are talking about here, she never gives up. So I went out to the garage, brought in the walker and placed it by her bed. She then went on to say “get my shoes, I am going to walk” Reluctantly I said Ok because I did not want her heart to break when she could not do it. So I went through all the motions. Got her dressed, put her shoes on and slowly raised her up onto the side of the bed. She was in so much pain but wanted me to continue to get her up. Once she was up, I put the walker in front of her, put both her hands on the walker, got her sitting straight and told her she was ready. After a few minutes of Kelly sitting there starring and thinking of the situation, she finally realized there was no way she was going to walk. I then told her, “babe, you are tired today, why don’t we try it another day when you have more strength” She hesitated for a minute but then agreed. I slowly put her back down into the bed. Once she was comfortable, she asked me to come close to her and she told me, “Babe, I do not want you to think I am giving up, because I am not!” When she said this, it brought tears to my eyes. I gathered myself and told her, babe you are not giving up, you have never given up, you are the strongest women in the world, that’s why I love you…No one will ever think you gave up, I will make sure of that”. She never did give up, she continued to fight all the way till her final breath.
A couple days later, Kelly and I were watching a movie at night in her hospital bed (she did not want to sleep alone, so I would jump into bed with her until she fell asleep) when Kelly said “Manny, can you pause the movie, I would like to pray” I said of course babe, as I always loved to pray for my wife. Well I paused the movie and got ready to pray for Kelly’s healing when Kelly said “babe, I don’t want to pray for me, I want to pray for Carla & Zeph’s soon to be born child ( Carla & Zeph are Kelly’s Sister and Brother in law) that will be arriving this January” She wanted to pray to god that her sisters baby did not have any heart conditions like Carla’s other daughter. Even though Kelly was facing her own mortality, she still was putting others ahead of her in prayer. A child that has not even come into this world, she wanted to pray for. This was so inspiring to me, it brought me to tears. Kelly always put others ahead of herself her entire life and continued to do so till the very end.
As Kelly began to lose the ability to talk over her last couple days alive we started to have to squeeze her hand for answers to questions. However two days before she passed, I was taking care of Kelly in bed, helping move her around as I always did to make her more comfortable. She grabbed me with her hand and pulled me close. She put her hand under my shirt and rubbed my chest. She loved to do this while she was in the hospital bed as it was her way of being intimate. As she pulled me close, she softly whispered “Thank you for taking care of me”! I could not believe that she was thanking me. It tore my heart out to hear her say those words. I responded to her by saying “ Babe, you do not have to thank me, it was my honor to take care of you…I would not have it any other way and would not change a thing…your welcome and I love you so very much!” She then closed her eyes and went back to resting. These were really the last words that Kelly said to me.
I promised Kelly on her last day on earth that I would not let her life and death go in vain and that I would make sure everyone knew how hard she fought. I also promised that I would try and better this world based on the gifts she taught me. At Kelly’s funeral service I had an opportunity to start the promises I made to Kelly by getting up in front of all of our friends, family and other guests to speak about what Kelly meant to me and to all of us. All I can say is that I felt Kelly with me the entire time. Under normal circumstances, I would be nervous and stir crazy speaking in front of 800 people, but that day I did not feel a nerve in my body. What I did feel was Kelly standing right next to me the entire time. She pushed me to be stronger and that day I certainly was. I had not prepared at all for that speech. Even our priest, Father Rudy, thought speaking was going to be too difficult and advised against it but I told him I had to do it for Kelly. Once I made my way up to the altar, the words just flowed out. I know that Kelly was helping the words flow from my mouth that is the only way I can explain it. After my speech was over, I felt I like I got hit by a truck but the entire time talking I felt Kelly’s love for me and all the love in the room for Kelly. It was certainly a once in a life time moment that I will never forget.
I truly believe there is no such thing as coincidence in this world…if you feel the same way then this last story may bring tears to your eyes. The night before our wedding last year, Kelly gave me a special gift. She gave me watch that was engraved in the back. I love this watch, it is so special to me. I only wore it for our wedding because it was so nice. After the wedding, I put it away in my dresser and had not touched it all year. The night of Kelly’s viewing, while I was getting ready, I thought to myself, I should wear my special watch, I know Kelly would like that. So I opened my dresser, pulled out the watch and noticed that the battery was dead. I briefly put the watch back in its place but something made me pull the watch back out. I told myself, I don’t care if the time is not working on the watch; I am wearing it anyway because it meant so much to me. So I proudly put it on and headed to the funeral home. I was sitting with my mother in law and other family members during the viewing. After a hour or so, I leaned over to my mother in law and mentioned to her that I was wearing the watch that Kelly gave me for our wedding. I told her I was wearing it even though it was not working. She wanted to see it so I showed her. After briefly looking at it, her mouth dropped upon looking at the face of the watch. She looked at me and said “Manny, look at the time” As I looked down at the time my heart almost stopped. It was just after 3:01am. The watch froze at the time Kelly passed away. I could not believe it. To make it even more unbelievable, Kelly had the watch engraved “MK, Until The End Of Time”. This is just not some strange coincidence, however everyone can believe what they wish.
Kelly was a gift from god to all of us, I truly believe this. When I look back over all the little things that happened over the past 20 years that led to Kelly and I ending up together, it truly is amazing. My plan is to write a book about our love story, Kelly’s faith and the inspiration she has shown us even in the toughest of times. Even though I am not much of a writer, I feel as if Kelly is continuing to push me. Whenever I wanted to just be ordinary, Kelly made me be better. I used to always talk about being extraordinary…well the truth is she was extraordinary. Kelly made me the man I am today and I owe her my life! She opened my eyes to the world as I now know it and she gave me a gift that not too many people will ever have. Now it’s up to me to share our experiences to make the world a better place.I feel so lucky to have had the opportunity to be so in love with Kelly. The love we have for each other is truly amazing. So unconditional, I wish everyone reading this blog gets to experience love like ours in their lifetime. As Kelly stated in her very first blog, “I guess the vows "through sickness and health" really hold true here in our home”...we demonstrated this to the highest level. So when you get down in your relationship and your feeling like life is just too much to handle, remember Kelly and I.
I would like to personally thank each and every one of you who have read this blog and for all the beautiful comments you have shared. I would sit up at night and read to Kelly all the comments on the blog even on her last days. I know the comments continued to give her strength even at the end.
I hope that you have been inspired by Kelly and I in some small or big way. Continue to try to and be a better, stronger person, love deeper, live freer and don’t ever stop believing in your dreams. Continue to put your stake out farther away then you normally would and try to reach for it. Love life and live it to the fullest.
Smile for Kelly after reading this knowing she is looking down on us from heaven with that big smile we all remember.
Love you Babe, Rest in peace!
