Bittersweet

Today is a bittersweet. As I type, I am taking in my last day of chemo drip by drip. That is a wonderful reason to celebrate. I made cupcakes, my mom brought sandwiches and we also brought wine for the doctors and nurses. Unfortunately I can’t drink now although I may drink a glass of champagne later myself. hee hee

The bitter part of my day involves this darn rash and skin biopsy. You know they always say “no news is good news” (those they people seem to be right sometimes). Last night at about 6:00pm our phone rang and it was my surgeon telling me that the skin rash is indeed cancer that spread or possibly the same tumor. So that means surgery ASAP. Next week on Friday(Nov 20th) actually. They will remove the whole breast, nipple and full node dissection on the right side, since there was 10 nodes involved they want to all. I believe there are 20 on that side. I don’t really care to have a boob, I may feel differently once its gone similar to when I first lost my hair. But I know I won’t care in the long run if it means… my health and a chance to start my family. I really want to know what our kids will look like, selfish I know! ; ) The reason a mastectomy bothers me is because the surgery is harder, plus the lymph nodes double hard. Ohwell I have one of the BEST surgeons in the silicon Valley, this was voted by the people and numerous doctor magazines and I concur.

The long term plan: I will still have radiation after surgery. My oncologist will also run the results of the tumor (after surgery) by Stanford to make sure I will need any more chemo just to be safe. Even Doctors get second opinions. 

So as of right now the decision of whether or not to do a lumpectomy vs mastectomy has been made for me, which is good to not have another decision to make.

So I must get back to Laverne & Shirley(Tia Frances & Mom) and my husband!

SMILE!
Kelly Freitas

A rash…

So… Monday we went to visit the surgeon, for what we thought would be a follow up and schedule the surgery. Unfortunately, the appointment didn’t go as smoothly as planned.

On the ride up to San Jose I was nervous to finally have a date for surgery. I was convincing myself this was going to be my new obsession, this date. A count down to remove this tumor. So as I arrived to the Dr’s office we went through the standard procedure, waiting in the waiting room, being called in, weighed, then showed into a room where I undress on top and replace my warm clothes with a paper vest.

In walks my surgeon, he says I look good and compliments my hat. After checking my blood pressure and checking to make sure I don’t have lymph nods that seem cancerous. Then he wants to examine the tumor, so I lay back and put my right arm behind my head. It is then he notices a rash. A rash that has only been there for 4 days, something I noticed, showed Manny, but never thought anything of it.  Well he noticed it and was a tad bit alarmed. He asked me how long it had been there. He then said “if you didn’t have cancer in this boob I wouldn't worry, but since you do this may mean cancer has spread to the skin, so I am going to do a biopsy”

….A RASH! REALLY!? That is all I can think at this point. Next thing I know a nurse is coming in with a syringe filled with local, a knife, some gauze and all the things a doctor needs to do a skin biopsy. FUN. So I lay there still with Manny holding my hand and my doctor cutting a small piece of skin off me, then stitching me back up.

What does this mean? Well it just means that if it has spread to the skin I will most definitely have a mastectomy and skin removed as well. DOUBLE FUN!  I guess the positive way to look at this is that it will mean the boob is gone and any chance of recurrence has lowered. In the mean time, we wait for results which should be by the end of the week.

I will keep everyone posted as soon as I find out!

Thanks for listening.

SMILE!
Kelly Freitas

Mind Games

“Each day you stay positive is putting you another step closer to happiness.”

This quote is so true, and if there is one thing I have learned is that, for me, cancer is a mind game. Constantly trying to convince myself to overcome fears, think positively and find the good in all the bad. I usually win this battle but there are times I don’t and most recently the biggest fear for me is the surgery, keeping me up at night and waking me from nightmares. Manny keeps reminding me “Kel, just remember to be excited to remove this tumor out of your body!” So, when I am afraid… of things like major surgery, spending the night in the hospital, removing lymph nods, possible mastectomy, I try and remember the positive my husband so clearly points out to me. This unwelcome disease will soon be gone, removed from my body!

I know it’s been quite awhile since I have written on here, and I think this is partly because I have been having such bad thoughts about the surgery I didn’t have anything positive to say and couldn’t bring myself to speak so negatively. In reality the more I talk about my fears the better I feel about it. Like my cousin Julie pointed out to me, fears are better overcome when you face them and not avoid them. So here I am facing them and dealing with it.

I have recently also gone on disability, which was another hard move for me. It was yet another reminder that I had cancer and “couldn’t” do something. Now I realize that it truly is better for me and I have more time to do things that make me happy and healthy. So every morning I can I get up early and go for a walk with my dog and that feels great!

So if anyone is up for a walk or lunch feel free to give me a call! ; )

Here is something positive, with only 2 chemo treatments left, I am already growing hair! AMAZING, most patients don’t have hair growing back until after chemo but that Portuguese hair sure is tough! Funny enough now that I have more hair on my head I have less eyebrows and eyelashes… always something! haha!

Here are some pics you may or may not want to see! Me bald!

Me with no hair, but eyebrows and lashes!

Me with hair, but drawn in brows and no lashes.

Until next time (I promise to not wait as long)

Smile!
Kelly Marie Freitas