M&K through sickness and health

Love of My Life, May You Rest In Peace!

2010-07-26T22:42:00.000-07:00

Kelly’s last breath was taken shortly after 3:00am on July 16, 2010 in our home that we built together. God finally put an end to all the suffering my dear wife had to endure. I cannot put into words what it is like to watch the women of your dreams suffer so much right before your eyes and not be able to do anything to stop it. To feel so helpless is heart breaking and the sadness is unexplainable. The cancer tried to strip Kelly of everything including her breast, her hair, her ability to walk, her ability to think clearly, her ability to move her arms & hands and eventually her ability to see. What it could not strip her of was her faith, her loving family & friends that adored her so much and the love that Kelly I shared for each other. I could write about Kelly forever and never get tired of it but I would like to complete this blog by sharing some stories leading up to the end of Kelly’s life that demonstrate what Kelly represents and what we can learn from her.

About a week before Kelly passed away she was still fighting. It was Wednesday night and I was lying next to Kelly in her hospital bed chatting with her when she asked me to get her walker out of the garage and to bring it into the house. I asked her why she wanted it and she said because she wanted to try and walk. When she told me this, I was thinking it was the cancer progression making her talk a little crazy but she insisted. I knew that there was no way that Kelly could walk short of a miracle because at this point, she had no mobility in her legs and had already lost the ability to use her entire left arm & hand. That being said, I did not want to discourage her, so I politely said “Babe, let’s get some rest and in the morning if you feel up to it, we can get the walker out”. I figured by morning she would forget about it. She was very fiery and made me promise to her that I would remind her first thing in the morning. I agreed. Well morning came and guess what, the first words out of her mouth was “please get the walker, I want to walk”. I could not believe she remembered and that she wanted to attempt the impossible. But let’s remember, this is Kelly we are talking about here, she never gives up. So I went out to the garage, brought in the walker and placed it by her bed. She then went on to say “get my shoes, I am going to walk” Reluctantly I said Ok because I did not want her heart to break when she could not do it. So I went through all the motions. Got her dressed, put her shoes on and slowly raised her up onto the side of the bed. She was in so much pain but wanted me to continue to get her up. Once she was up, I put the walker in front of her, put both her hands on the walker, got her sitting straight and told her she was ready. After a few minutes of Kelly sitting there starring and thinking of the situation, she finally realized there was no way she was going to walk. I then told her, “babe, you are tired today, why don’t we try it another day when you have more strength” She hesitated for a minute but then agreed. I slowly put her back down into the bed. Once she was comfortable, she asked me to come close to her and she told me, “Babe, I do not want you to think I am giving up, because I am not!” When she said this, it brought tears to my eyes. I gathered myself and told her, babe you are not giving up, you have never given up, you are the strongest women in the world, that’s why I love you…No one will ever think you gave up, I will make sure of that”. She never did give up, she continued to fight all the way till her final breath.

A couple days later, Kelly and I were watching a movie at night in her hospital bed (she did not want to sleep alone, so I would jump into bed with her until she fell asleep) when Kelly said “Manny, can you pause the movie, I would like to pray” I said of course babe, as I always loved to pray for my wife. Well I paused the movie and got ready to pray for Kelly’s healing when Kelly said “babe, I don’t want to pray for me, I want to pray for Carla & Zeph’s soon to be born child ( Carla & Zeph are Kelly’s Sister and Brother in law) that will be arriving this January” She wanted to pray to god that her sisters baby did not have any heart conditions like Carla’s other daughter. Even though Kelly was facing her own mortality, she still was putting others ahead of her in prayer. A child that has not even come into this world, she wanted to pray for. This was so inspiring to me, it brought me to tears. Kelly always put others ahead of herself her entire life and continued to do so till the very end.

As Kelly began to lose the ability to talk over her last couple days alive we started to have to squeeze her hand for answers to questions. However two days before she passed, I was taking care of Kelly in bed, helping move her around as I always did to make her more comfortable. She grabbed me with her hand and pulled me close. She put her hand under my shirt and rubbed my chest. She loved to do this while she was in the hospital bed as it was her way of being intimate. As she pulled me close, she softly whispered “Thank you for taking care of me”! I could not believe that she was thanking me. It tore my heart out to hear her say those words. I responded to her by saying “ Babe, you do not have to thank me, it was my honor to take care of you…I would not have it any other way and would not change a thing…your welcome and I love you so very much!” She then closed her eyes and went back to resting. These were really the last words that Kelly said to me.

I promised Kelly on her last day on earth that I would not let her life and death go in vain and that I would make sure everyone knew how hard she fought. I also promised that I would try and better this world based on the gifts she taught me. At Kelly’s funeral service I had an opportunity to start the promises I made to Kelly by getting up in front of all of our friends, family and other guests to speak about what Kelly meant to me and to all of us. All I can say is that I felt Kelly with me the entire time. Under normal circumstances, I would be nervous and stir crazy speaking in front of 800 people, but that day I did not feel a nerve in my body. What I did feel was Kelly standing right next to me the entire time. She pushed me to be stronger and that day I certainly was. I had not prepared at all for that speech. Even our priest, Father Rudy, thought speaking was going to be too difficult and advised against it but I told him I had to do it for Kelly. Once I made my way up to the altar, the words just flowed out. I know that Kelly was helping the words flow from my mouth that is the only way I can explain it. After my speech was over, I felt I like I got hit by a truck but the entire time talking I felt Kelly’s love for me and all the love in the room for Kelly. It was certainly a once in a life time moment that I will never forget.

I truly believe there is no such thing as coincidence in this world…if you feel the same way then this last story may bring tears to your eyes. The night before our wedding last year, Kelly gave me a special gift. She gave me watch that was engraved in the back. I love this watch, it is so special to me. I only wore it for our wedding because it was so nice. After the wedding, I put it away in my dresser and had not touched it all year. The night of Kelly’s viewing, while I was getting ready, I thought to myself, I should wear my special watch, I know Kelly would like that. So I opened my dresser, pulled out the watch and noticed that the battery was dead. I briefly put the watch back in its place but something made me pull the watch back out. I told myself, I don’t care if the time is not working on the watch; I am wearing it anyway because it meant so much to me. So I proudly put it on and headed to the funeral home. I was sitting with my mother in law and other family members during the viewing. After a hour or so, I leaned over to my mother in law and mentioned to her that I was wearing the watch that Kelly gave me for our wedding. I told her I was wearing it even though it was not working. She wanted to see it so I showed her. After briefly looking at it, her mouth dropped upon looking at the face of the watch. She looked at me and said “Manny, look at the time” As I looked down at the time my heart almost stopped. It was just after 3:01am. The watch froze at the time Kelly passed away. I could not believe it. To make it even more unbelievable, Kelly had the watch engraved “MK, Until The End Of Time”. This is just not some strange coincidence, however everyone can believe what they wish.

Kelly was a gift from god to all of us, I truly believe this. When I look back over all the little things that happened over the past 20 years that led to Kelly and I ending up together, it truly is amazing. My plan is to write a book about our love story, Kelly’s faith and the inspiration she has shown us even in the toughest of times. Even though I am not much of a writer, I feel as if Kelly is continuing to push me. Whenever I wanted to just be ordinary, Kelly made me be better. I used to always talk about being extraordinary…well the truth is she was extraordinary. Kelly made me the man I am today and I owe her my life! She opened my eyes to the world as I now know it and she gave me a gift that not too many people will ever have. Now it’s up to me to share our experiences to make the world a better place.I feel so lucky to have had the opportunity to be so in love with Kelly. The love we have for each other is truly amazing. So unconditional, I wish everyone reading this blog gets to experience love like ours in their lifetime. As Kelly stated in her very first blog, “I guess the vows "through sickness and health" really hold true here in our home”...we demonstrated this to the highest level. So when you get down in your relationship and your feeling like life is just too much to handle, remember Kelly and I.

I would like to personally thank each and every one of you who have read this blog and for all the beautiful comments you have shared. I would sit up at night and read to Kelly all the comments on the blog even on her last days. I know the comments continued to give her strength even at the end.

I hope that you have been inspired by Kelly and I in some small or big way. Continue to try to and be a better, stronger person, love deeper, live freer and don’t ever stop believing in your dreams. Continue to put your stake out farther away then you normally would and try to reach for it. Love life and live it to the fullest.

Smile for Kelly after reading this knowing she is looking down on us from heaven with that big smile we all remember.

Love you Babe, Rest in peace!

Decisions...Decisions

2010-07-06T23:00:00.000-07:00

Today was one of the hardest days I have experienced so far in my life so far. I had to make a decision for Kelly to either try and get her up to her chemo appointment or to let her rest in peace at home and to start the ball rolling in asking for help and the services of Hospice.

A little background as to how this came about. Last Friday, we went to our normal brain chemo appointment. Kelly’s mom and I both noticed how difficult it was becoming to transport Kelly to and from San Jose for her appointments. The anxiety, pain & suffering it was causing Kelly was hard to watch. When we sat down with the Dr that day, we had a conversation about continuing treatment. I made it a point to ask Kelly in front of the Dr If she really wanted to continue with this plan and that we were all ok with her decision either way. She expressed that she still wanted to continue the plan of receiving chemo for at least one more full treatment. This put me at ease knowing that even though it was so hard to get her to the appointments that she still wanted to try and fight. As a husband, this is the kind of spirit that always made me feel so good.

Unfortunately, over the weekend things started to change. Kelly started to become less mobile with her upper body and her strength started to decrease. She had become more and more displaced and very confused at times. She started to be in more and more pain and was very repetitive in the things she would say and ask for. By Sunday it became hard to get her out of the bed and when I did get her up, the pain was so severe she asked demanded to go back right away. This made me sad, depressed anxious, you name it. To see her get worse right before my very eyes was so treacherous. She did not want to eat or drink much either. That takes us to today. I got her up with every intention of taking her to her chemo today, or at least give it a try. Because she was so weak it just made it impossible. She was also running a fever of 100.4 which meant they probably would not give her chemo anyway. I asked Kelly what she wanted to do. In a soft whisper voice she said she still wanted to go. I expressed to her that it was ok to take a break from the chemo and that her body was so wore out I did not think it was such a good idea. She then agreed and said that I was right and she really did not want to go. Although I wanted to whisk her up there I knew that this was the best decision for Kelly. She has been through so much and her body is just starting to say “Time Out”!

After a while I called the Dr and had a conversation about the situation. The Doctor agreed that if Kelly’s symptoms of confusion, lack of mobility, loss of coordination, extreme headache and body pain, fever were all increasing, Chemo Therapy would not be the best solution at this time. She also felt that these are all signs that the cancer is just progressing and not the medications causing the problems. I also asked the Doctor some questions that they always avoid and I pretty much got the answers I was looking for. She agreed that Kelly’s long term prognosis was not very good based on how fast and aggressive this cancer is spreading. The next thing I did was get in touch with Heartland Hospice on the phone because the Doctor felt they would be our best resource at this time. After talking with Hospice on the phone I felt better knowing that by them coming out to help, it does not mean the end and that hope is gone. They are just here to help Kelly be more comfortable and to help us manage her pain more effectively. They also let me know that if Kelly does start to get better she could always cancel the Hospice service and go back to treatment options.

It was a long rough day but it feels good to write to everyone. Kelly is very scared right now and is having thoughts that because Hospice is going to help us that her life is nearing an end. I keep telling her that that is not the case and we just want her to be in some comfort and the pain she is experiencing is not ok. I believe she is starting to accept that things are not going the way we would like but that it’s not over till it’s over. I feel the same way. The best way to put it is, you prepare for the worst, you hope for the best. More importantly we are cherishing every second that we have with Kelly. Living in the moment is really the only way to get everything that life has to offer. I know we all have our problems and issues but if we just take a step back and realize what’s truly, truly important in life, it’s amazing how you can be changed. I know that this experience has changed my perspective in so many ways, and I take nothing for granted. So please for me, after you are done reading this blog, go out hug your wife or your husband or your significant other, your children and tell them how much you love them and how important they are in your life. Our lives can change so quickly, life is so fragile, your heart can be ripped from your chest and your world could be turned upside down in a blink of an eye, so again take nothing for granted. That’s enough preaching for now; I know you are all not reading this for advice on how to live your life, just sharing from my point of view.

Please continue to pray for Kelly and for god to give her strength and to find peace in whatever comes next in her life. God bless everyone and thank you for continuing to read share our story, I pray that Kelly’s life will have touched so many people and changed everyone for the better, I know she has done that for me. Thank you to all the DBOM ladies for the wonderful surprise from the Omaha Foods. That brought a big smile to Kellys face when she saw those boxes on our door. God bless you all!

One Day At A Time

2010-06-30T11:03:00.000-07:00

We are now taking it one day at a time...
Well after five days of being home, we are starting to adapt to life outside of the hospital again. The first couple days were rough because we had to basically re-train Kelly again to get up out of the bed and into the wheel chair regularly. Having Edna (live in home care help we hired) has helped me out quite a bit with cleaning, cooking, and working with Kelly. While she was in the Hospital last week she did not get up out of the bed, this was basically the reason she ended up with a blood clot in her lung. My goal is to try and get her up out of bed as many times as I can in a day. Each day seems to get a little better as far as getting her up goes. Yesterday I got her up at least 5 times! Yesterday was a good day, we had our brain chemo appointment that went fairly well. We did find out that Kelly’s white blood cell count is down again, which means we had to give her the nuepogen shot which helps get the counts back up. We also found out that Kelly’s blood got a little too thin based on the blood tests we took. So now we don’t have to give her the Lovanox shots (blood thinner) for the time being, just the pill form (Coumadin). Yesterday I was also able to get Kelly a newer hospital bed, one that has a button to raise it up and down mechanically. The old one was very old fashioned; it had a hand crank which we turned to get the bed up and down. I also got the Dr to prescribe an air mattress and pump which should help with some of Kelly’s back problems. So in terms of our days, yesterday was a good one. We are just trying to take it day by day. Actually we break the days into two parts, Day time and night time. Once we get through the day, we try and get through the night. This seems to work for us and keeps things in perspective. If we look out much farther than that, it can be overwhelming. We have talked to Heartland Hospice out of Monterey and they are going to come out and talk to us about services they offer and how they might help our situation. I told them we are not giving up this fight yet and that Kelly has a negative connotation with the term Hospice…but they assured me over the phone, going on Hospice does not mean the end but only help and guidance as to what to do in tough situations. They also will provide much needed support in the way of pain management for Kelly and also help with her high level of anxiety. Kelly is still having a hard time at night so this might be a really good resource for us. Hopefully they can help us even though we are still fighting and on chemo, so we will see how that goes. Our schedule looks like this, we will continue to receive brain chemo on Tuesdays and Fridays and every other Tuesday Kelly will receive her systemic chemo (chemo that works all over the body). After a few more weeks of chemo we will run some tests to see if it’s working or not. We also are hoping the brain chemo is working, the latest findings in the fluid have shown less malignant cells then when we started but since the sample sizes are so small it’s hard to tell at this point. Thank you to everyone out there for all the prayers and support. A big Thank you to the Dinner Delivery group & to Jan Holthouse for continuing to let us borrow the van for transport. Take care and god bless. Manny & Kelly

Like a Kick To The Mid Section

2010-06-24T10:24:00.001-07:00

Like a kick to the mid section is really the only way I can explain how Kelly and I feel this morning. Although only a few hours have gone by since our last post we learned some new information this morning. We were awoken by the oncologist who is filling in for Dr. Scates while he is out on medical leave. She was a soft spoken lady that told us the scans that they did yesterday actually showed that Kelly’s liver now has multiple lesions. This is not something we were expecting to hear right before we thought we were going to get discharged from the hospital. I told the Dr that this does not change our plans and that we want to get out of the hospital and be in our own home. She agreed and said that is fine. She also said that we would not be able to ever do the pill form for a blood thinner because Kelly’s liver is now compromised. This means I will have to give her injections basically forever. The oncologist still feels that the chemo we are doing is the only option we have for Kelly other than giving up because it has shown to have some success against Kelly’s particular type of cancer. Kelly actually took the news very well and stated to me that she does not want to give up and continue to receive the chemo. Her saying this made me have a breakdown because I know she fighting so hard still because of me and our families. I took the news much harder than she did, just trying to keep things together in front of Kelly and to try and be half as strong as she is. A normal person might just throw in the towel at this point, learning in the past three days that your cancer has spread to your other breast and now to your liver, but as well all know Kelly is not your average women. She is more special than any of us will ever understand. This blog is the hardest one I have had to type because things have changed so quickly for us and I want to spend every minute with Kelly. I really do not know what else to say but that I want to share this recent news with everyone else who cares so much about my wife. Please continue to pray for Kelly to be strong through this difficult time. God bless, Manny & Kelly

We Are Starting To Get Home Sick :(

2010-06-23T22:24:00.001-07:00

Well today we received some unexpected news. We thought we would be leaving the hospital today (Wednesday) but because Kelly has had such a high heart rate (125-150) the past week, the Dr’s felt something still might be going on. So this morning Kelly had to do a full chest scan to check for different things that could be happening. We sat in our room patiently expecting the discharge nurse to come in any minute. Well that never happened. The hospital Dr came in to let us know that Kelly had a small blood clot in one of her lungs. This was a big red flag to the Dr’s and they said we could not go home. They said the team of Dr’s were going to collectively evaluate the situation and come up with the best solution for Kelly. Around 5pm the Dr finally came back to tell us that they wanted to keep Kelly on blood thinner shots but just up the dose and do this from home. The one thing that would prevent us from doing this plan was if the insurance would cover the shots and let us administer them at home. Well we checked with the insurance and they said they will share the cost of the shots with us. That beats us staying the hospital another five days which is what was option B. While taking these shots, we have to get her blood checked every other day to make sure the blood is actually thinning. The Doctors believe that with Kelly’s condition and the fact that she has been battling a lot of anxiety, she is high risk for blood clotting. The fact that she has cancer could also be making her heart just work harder. The Doctors all felt strongly about getting Kelly home and that her anxiety should get a bit better when we get back to familiar surroundings. Because I have the experience giving Kelly injections from when did our fertility treatments back last July, the Dr’s feel comfortable for us to administer at home.

On a couple good notes, Kelly has not had a fever since Saturday, so any infection that she had should be gone. Because Kelly was doing well and had no infections, they decided to give her all of her Chemos yesterday. They feel like we have to be as aggressive as possible because the cancer is so aggressive. So far Kelly has handled this week’s chemo well, she is just very fatigued and wants to sleep most of the day.The oncologist visited us this morning and said that the samples they have taken from Kelly’s brain fluid have come back with no cancer cells in them. Sounds like great news to me but the Dr said this probably just means the samples they have been taking were not large enough samples to find cancer in them. The entire team of Dr’s that have tried to pull fluid out of Kelly's brain have had problems. Even the surgeon who put in the port could not get a good draw. Hopefully the oncologist is wrong and the cancer in the spine is really gone because the chemo is kicking its butt! We will have to wait about a week to see the next sample results.

So we should be going home sometime tomorrow if everything goes well tonight and in the morning. Kelly has expressed many times how bad she just wants to get up out of the bed and go home. Lately, Kelly has been experiencing nightmares in which she is walking in her dreams but only to wake up and be able to move. This has brought her a lot anxiety, especially at night. This will be another obstacle we will have to overcome but I know we can get through it. Thank you for all the wonderful comments, wish we had time to write back to everyone just not enough time in the day. God bless you all.
Manny & Kelly

Blood Cell Counts Back Up

2010-06-21T17:16:00.001-07:00

Well after four days in the hospital we literally do not know much more information. They have not been able to find anything out from all the tests they performed. What we do know is there is No infection found in the brain or anywhere else for that matter. That was the big concern, a infection to the brain and spinal fluid. They think because the anti biotic’s started attacking any bacteria that was growing before the cultures where taken at Hazel Hawkins. It could also be that her immune system was so low that she just got sick from all the chemo. The good news is that her temperature is back down to normal and she is starting to be more aware of what's going on. She is not nearly as confused as she was the past couple days. Kelly’s white blood cell count was way down yesterday, so low to the point where we could not have any visitors and she could only have certain cooked foods. She received a bone marrow shot yesterday which brought up her cell count today. It is a good thing for her counts to bounce back up that quickly. If things keep going well, we may be back home by Wednesday. Kelly is scheduled to get a intratheical (aka chemo delivered directly to the brain) dose of chemo tomorrow morning. They will also take some fluid out at that time to send to the lab to check and see if the number of tumor cells in her spine has gone down. If it has gone down, she will only have to receive the intratheical chemo once a week as opposed to twice a week. She is also set to get another treatment of Gemzar on Wednesday. On a bad note, Kelly does seem to have another lump starting in her left breast now. It started a couple weeks ago when we first noticed it. We showed the Dr this morning and she did not have much to say other then it feels and looks like cancer. This lump really does not change the course of action and treatment because Kelly already has metastatic cancer in multiple areas of the body. The hope is that the chemo Kelly just started will help with all the cancer in her body including the skin, lymph nodes and breast along with the brain and spine. She has a lot going on but this girl does not give up! She is a fighter and we all have a lot to learn from her about never giving up and or complaining about a bad situation. Let’s all pray that she has a super good response from the Carboplatin and Gemzar treatments (Aka Chemo that goes throughout the entire body)

Kelly still is in a lot of pain, mostly in her spine..this has been the one thing that makes being at home miserable for Kelly and a challenge for me. I did have a conversation with a pain management Dr. today about what we could do to keep Kelly more comfortable. I think we have a game plan that could work but we will see. We also have a new 24 hour / live in caregiver that was with us last week…Kelly and I really like her…This should make being at home a little easier for the both of us.

I will try to keep you all posted as things happen. Thank you for continuing to read the blog and for all the good vibes and prayers! God bless you all.
~ Manny & Kelly

Back In The Hospital

2010-06-19T13:03:00.000-07:00

This is Manny typing this post...

Because so much has happened since our last post and due to time I am going to keep this as simple and brief as possible. Well it has been a hectic past three weeks since we got home from our last visit to the hospital. Three weeks ago. Kelly and I have had to change our entire way of life because of her immobility. Our living room looks similar to a hospital room these days. Our days are either spent in the house or up at the oncology office in San Jose. First few trips getting South Bay oncology were nightmares because of transportation issues...but Jan Holthouse came to our rescue. She has been so nice and gracious to let us borrow her family's handicap equipped van when we have appointments etc. We also found a very nice live in caregiver (Edna) who has been great the past week for us. But this post is more about where we are now... which is at O'connor Hospital. Things started this past Tuesday. Kelly received chemo on Tuesday afternoon, two new ones (carboplatin & gemzar) along with her normal intratheical chemo. It was a long rough day to say the least. We got home late in the afternoon and Kelly almost immediately started to run a fever. Long story short, over the course of the next two days Kelly got progressively worse. Fever went up to 102.7, had major chills, really bad pain through her whole body and started to get really confused. The Dr's told us over the phone that if this condition persisted that we should get to the ER. I finally got Kelly over to Hazel Hawkins on Thursday night. She got admitted a few hours after they evaluated her in the ER. The docs at hazel felt that because Kelly was a cancer patient and high risk, they did not really feel all that comfortable treating her. They got her on antibiotics, fluids, etc but started contacting our Doctors to see if she should be transferred. They decided yesterday afternoon that it would be a good idea for her to be transferred to O’connor since they are more familiar with Kelly's history. I must say, we were quite happy with our experience at Hazel. The nurses and the resident Doctor (Dr. Minoee) were fabulous. Also must thank Anthony Mojica for being so helpful in getting us admitted quickly and for taking such good care of us during our stay. We got transferred by ambulance last night (Friday) and got into our old room at O'connor at about 8:00pm. The staff immediately got Kelly hooked up to more antibiotics and pain medicine. Because Kelly has some open wounds on her chest from the cancer, it could be a source of infection or it could be that she has an infection in her brain or spinal fluid from the chemo. Could also just be the cancer getting more aggressive. Everything is really up in the air right now. We are awaiting results from lots of blood tests, and spinal fluid cultures that we drawn this morning from her brain port. As of right now, Kelly is doing a little better. Yesterday was a very scary day for everyone…I never felt that scared because Kelly was not responding much to me. Kelly was basically not cognitive for most of the day. She was very confused and tired. Her fever got up to 102.9. Today it’s been back down to 99.5-99.9. The Doctors think we will be here for a minimum of 2-3 days until they can figure out what’s really going on.On a side note, our wonder drug that we have been waiting for (The PARP Inhibitor) that would have been given with our current chemo regimen is not going to happen. We found out on Monday that the drug was finally available but the company that produces it will not let Kelly participate because she is not mobile. Somewhere in the tiny print, it mentions the patient must at least be able to stand and walk a little to qualify for the drug. This is due to the company that makes the drug trying to get FDA approval. It's very political and we are not happy about any of this, but there is not much we can do at this point. Basically it’s Bull S*@% and other expletives that I won’t mention here. Our oncologists say their hands are tied. All I can say is unbelievable!Our main focus right now is to get Kelly better, then get her standing again, then walking so that we can get that drug in the future.

Thank you all for continuing to pray and support us during this time. I know a lot of you want to see Kelly but she is just not up for visitors still in her condition please understand. You can always try to text me if you want to know info, just cannot guarantee I can respond to everyone.

Also want to say a big THANK YOU to all of you have participated on the dinner delivery for...that makes a huge difference for me and one less thing I have to worry about. The food has been great and Kelly and I really appreciate the kind gestures. Thank you to Shawna for setting everything up and for Tiffany helping with deliveries everything else you do.

God bless, Manny & Kelly

Still In The Hospital…

2010-05-30T11:06:00.001-07:00

Still in the Hospital as of today, Sunday May 30th. Yesterday was a tiring day for Kelly. It started Friday afternoon after we met with a new Doctor,(Dr. Andrews). He is a Neurologist, Neurosurgeon and he is also specialized in radio surgery, gamma knife, etc which may be treatment options for Kelly’s brain at some point in the future. His recommendation to us was to get a Ommaya Reservoir (Chemo Port in the brain) installed as soon as possible. This port is where the new treatment will be given from. The port is where the chemo will be injected to the brain and spinal fluids. I agreed that this should be done quickly so she could recover and get started on the chemo ASAP. Dr. Andrews mentioned that in order for him to do the procedure, we would have to get a MRI of the entire brain ASAP to see if their was any new obstructions or issues that would stop us from doing the surgery. Dr Andrews then ordered a MRI of her head that was suppose to take place at 8pm…unfortunately Kelly did not get taken down until after 11pm because of issues the MRI machine was having. Due to the late MRI, Kelly was not up back in the room till after midnight. Then she needed to have a special head wash that would be used as a disinfectant for her head to help prevent infection during the procedure. Most of the night nurses were in and out checking vitals etc so morning came quickly with little sleep for both Kelly and I. The hospital staff came to the room a little before 7:30am to take her down to the OR. When we got to the OR we met with the anesthesiologist (Dr. Sullivan) and Dr. Andrews to go over the surgery. After chatting with Dr. Sullivan, we found out he is actually best friends with our other surgeon who preformed Kelly’s mastectomy (Dr. Walsh). This was weird because they even look a lot a like lol. I guess Dr Walsh was even in Dr Sullivan's wedding. Anyway, Kelly then got her IV courage as they like to call it and was off.

She was in surgery for about an hour. Dr Andrews came out the waiting room, got me and whisked me into the recovery room. Normally guests are not allowed in but being that is was a Saturday and no other patients where there they said it was fine. Dr Andrews and I had a conversation at that point…he informed me that the procedure went well and that it would take about 10 days before the stitches could come, etc. He then told me some good news…he believes from what he could see on the MRI that Kelly’s two tumors had decreased in size a good amount, almost to where they were hard to see on the MRI (Yay). He was not able to provide us any new news about the Meningi involvement though, which is what is the bigger issue for Kelly. Dr. Andrews let me know that they did pull out some spinal/brain fluid during the procedure which will be sent out for testing which may determine how effective the radiation was against the tumor cells in the brain and in the Meningi.

One of Dr Scates (our oncologist) partners from South Bay Oncology visited with us this morning in regards to what we need to do next for Kelly. The Oncologist had talked with Dr Scates and agreed that we should wait till Monday to receive her first dose of spinal fluid chemo which would give her a full day to heal from the surgery. As of right now, we are thinking that we may be going home sometime on Monday afternoon, but this is not a for sure thing…It will mostly depend on how Kelly does after her first chemo treatment. We are anxious to get home but at the same time because of Kelly’s limited mobility we understand the hospital is probably the best place to be right now. The nurses are asking that she does not have any visitors at this time due to the fact that she has had almost no rest in the last few days and she gets tired quickly from the pain meds.

The other news we heard is that by Kelly taking the spinal treatments, she will not be excluded from the trial drug she was set to begin called PARP Inhibitor. This type of treatment is given with two chemo therapies, the major one being Carboplatin. The initial results from the first trial of this drug was very successful and promising, so we are hoping they drug company will release this drug ASAP and Kelly can begin on that as well.

Thank you all for checking the blog for the latest on Kelly as I know so many of you are worried about how she is doing. I will continue to try and keep this blog as current as I can. Hopefully, Kelly can start writing again soon, when she starts to feel a bit better. She misses talking and seeing everyone…she loves all of you and appreciates all the support and kind words you continue to bring her.

God bless, Manny

Blog from Manny

2010-05-28T14:51:00.001-07:00

Hi Everyone - This is actually Manny writing this post because Kelly is very tired and under lots of anxiety, stress and the like at this time. I wanted to give everyone the latest update on our situation as it’s impossible to answer every call and text. I think Verizon is going to be very happy with us this month, hopefully Kelly has us set up with unlimited minutes and texts lol. Well...I will try to make this short and sweet as I am not nearly as good of a blogger as my lovely wife.

It started on Monday afternoon when our primary physician recommended that we go to the ER ASAP because Kelly was experiencing a high heart rate (125-130) and she was loosing almost all function of her lower half, walking was becoming impossible. So we drove up to O'Connor hospital at 10:00pm on Monday night. Much to our surprise the ER was crazy packed...more then 50 people ahead of us. Kelly got frightened at this point and began to get very upset (caused by steroids mostly). Well my mom (Adela) was somehow able to talk the nurses desk into getting to Kelly right away. By 11:00pm we were in a ER Room. Unfortunately, that was just the beginning as they had to ran a multitude of tests on poor little Kelly. They finally decided to admit her at 6:30am..what a long night.

Since Monday we have been in the Hospital running more tests. The Dr's could not find anything wrong so they figured to truly know what was happening they would need to perform a lumbar puncture(spinal tap) to get fluid from the spine to check for cancer. That was done on Wednesday and as of right now (Friday afternoon) we don't have the final official pathology report. However early reports are showing about 50% of the cells in the spinal fluid are showing suspicious stuff...which they believe is the breast cancer cells attacking the good cells. Our Dr (Skates) has told us we basically only have one option for treatment, which is a special type of chemo therapy that is injected directly into the spinal fluid. This can be done two ways..first is by way of a spinal tap in which Kelly would have to come to the hospital each and every time...not a good way to go being that is so painful. The second option is we have port put in just under the scalp of her head. This procedure will need to be done by a neurosurgeon here at O'Connor. This option will make things much easier in the long run for Kelly's future treatments so I think this is what we are leaning towards. The neurologist on staff here is suppose to meet with us sometime this afternoon to talk about the procedure. This new information does leave us in a sort of dilemma because Kelly was scheduled to start a trial version of a drug called PARP inhibitor next week, but our Doc believes by doing the spinal treatments she may not be eligible for the trial. Hopefully this is not the case but it might very well be. I wish I had better news but it just seems like we keep getting hit with stuff we don't want to hear. Hopefully, god willing, Kelly will get the procedure done soon and get the treatment she needs and be able to get home. The tricky part will be getting the house set up well enough so that she can get around easily being that she cannot walk. We have a home care case manager looking into getting us special home supplies to make the transition easier.

Well everyone, now is the time we need all your positive energy and prayers the most. We cannot give up this fight because I know Kelly is not giving up! She is the strongest women I think most all of us have ever met and she is a inspiration to everyone. She is my wife, my hero ,my everything and I will do all I can in my power to get her back to health. Thank you for all the support you have given her over the past year...this blog has been one of the big reasons she has done so well through all of this so I thank you for reading and staying current on our situation.

We love you all! God Bless. Manny Freitas

Also here are some awesome things Mark Silva has done for Kelly. His new tattoo with her name also a new addition to his paddle board. Awesome!

Also here is a picture of Kelly in the hospital.

Tough Times…day by day

2010-05-24T10:19:00.001-07:00

Note: please excuse the typos & grammar issues.

I am about to have a physical therapy session with Manny and thought I would write a quick hello to you all.

My body is slowly getting worse and we are looking into at home care to help with all the stuff I need because it’s been Manny doing all this stuff for me and that is hard for him. I am constantly working through this in my mind and body but the steroids are very difficult and also make you very depressed even crazy so it’s a tough battle. I will get through.

So if you are not hearing from me or I am not totally “there” please understand it’s the steroids.

Thank you for your continued support we truly appreciate it and need it.

Smile.

Kelly & Manny Freitas

Happy Anniversary to US! XOXO

2010-05-16T15:37:00.001-07:00

Today marks one year since Manny and I said our vows. It is such a time to appreciate the love we have for each other, which we have. In this circumstance we truly see how much we love each other. However, it coming bittersweet, because my energy level has shot way down. My legs are literally giving up right now and I am I having a very hard time walking and he has to help me up walk and such. It could be so many things. I am thinking mostly steroids, but we will be calling doctors of course to let them know and possibly get someone here to start working with me on rebuilding muscle.

More beautiful pictures from that day taken by Jill Johnson Photography

It's annoying for me because I am not the person to sit and not move but right now my body is telling me- well forcing me to. I have fallen a couple of times, which is not shocking for me( I am klutz) it's the reason I am falling. Lack of strength rather than coordination. So just another road block I must get through. It's a hard one.

We took a little getaway, thanks to a dear family friend, to a place called Dolphin Bay in Shell Beach CA. It was well deserved for all and needed that down time to not think and just relax. Golf, Spa treatments and rest by poolside. ahhhh. Enjoyable to say the least

We also did the traditional 1 year frozen cake top tasting for the anniversary. We couldn’t remember the cake flavor, it was chocolate. Surprisingly it was very moist and not as bad as we expected it to be. We’ll thank Annie Goularte for that, supreme cake maker! ; )

As you can see, I have also lost my hair again due to the brain radiation, which was fine this time around. Easier the second time around for sure. Experience is key.

Thanks for reading what we have been up to. Enjoy your day!

Smile!

Kelly & Manny Freitas

Trying to find peace

2010-04-22T21:39:00.000-07:00

We sit at home in a quiet home, our home has been a bustling grand central station since yesterday. I have just gone from Minor League to Major League, I have to be that much stronger work that much harder to get through this.

From the begining:
My first Doxil I went through with flying colors, felt so fine that I had house guests and a BBQ with the family in my house. the only thing I did notice was a bit of back/spine pain. nothing too major.
My second Doxil was April 7th was feeling very tired by thursday and a complete wreck on Friday the 9th at first I chalked it to chemo side effects. Until they got so back we had to call the on call Doctor on Saturday evening, Manny even almost took me to the ER. I had every sypmtom in the book. By Monday spoke on the phone with my doctor phoned in some prescriptions then had another appt on Wed. They started to think I had spinal meninghitis which could be deadly. Tested my blood and the bacterial version was ruled out. But even still this wed I still had symptoms. So they were leaning to viral meninghitis. So they sent me to the ER for a spinal tap(lumbard puncture) but wanted me to have an MRI to brain to rule out possible brain tumors. Which I secretly felt could be an option, how could I be as sick as I was/am and Manny not get a single thing. So off we went to the ER at 1pm yesterday, they did what they do as I laid in a private room obviously meant for kids. Finally rolled me to the MRI department for a brain scan and by 6pm found out I had brain lesions (2) so no need for a spinal tap the tumor was causing most everything. Neck/Back pain,headaches, high fevers, vomitting/nausea, dizziness, loss of appetite, constant anxiousness, to name a few. Great! Checked out by 7pm home by 8 or so.

This morning I received a follow up call from my oncologists office to give me more details like my meningi's are also swollen, the lining of the brain is also part of the situation. I need full brain radiation ASAP(lined up today start tomorrow) Stopping chemo and with the little success I have had and the fact that it's in my brain (and quote) I have "a few months" WTF... that's the scary part how do deal with that. Part of me wants to say screw the dr's the hospitals and fly somewhere anywhere and love my hubby. Of course the other part of me wants to fight for my husband, he doesn't deserve this, with our 1 year anniversary just around the corner. Neither does my family, I need to do this for them. Yes I want to survive, ofcourse I want to grow old with my husband watch my nephews and neice grow. At this point I wont even be selfish about having babies for us. I just want to live mostly for them but for me too, I am not sure I am strong enough to realize "a few months" Who can? How do you really weigh it?
Well part of me fighting is because if I didn't I would be dealing with a lot more painful symptoms. Not sure I can handle much more pain, to my body and my soul. I know I need to be strong but for the first time ever it's not coming naturally...Fear has really been my main feeling, even I don't know what to say. Most the people who I talk to feel that way, don't worry I do to.

As of right now I am feeling like it's not real and have a ray of hope in radiation.

Thank you for all your prayers, thoughts, hugs, kisses, smiles, tears I feel so special to be as cared for/loved/or liked enough to have so many people on my side.

SMILE!
Kelly Freitas

Good Bye Sushi

2010-03-09T17:37:00.000-08:00

I start chemo tomorrow morning so that means good bye to sushi, hello hand sanitizer!

I will be back to carrying hand sanitizer with me 24/7, drinking lots of water and eating crackers. I am currently looking online for another wig, just to mix things up. Maybe a long one just like my hair used to be. Although, when I had no hair I always felt much more comfortable wearing my headwraps...especially in the hot weather.

I spent the afternoon with my sister and mother enjoying my last sushi lunch until chemo is over. I was supposed to clean my house a bit and organize my loft, that can wait.

Wish me luck and hope for least amount of side effects. Hand Foot Syndrome does not sound fun but then again neither do the other side effects on the front & back 8.5 x 11 sheet of paper.

Until Next time

SMILE!
Kelly Freitas

The Plan

2010-03-06T08:45:00.001-08:00

Well the new plan anyways, not really the plan I envisioned but a plan nonetheless. The extended plan to my cancer free life. I am doing chemotherapy first. (phew) The last thing I wanted to do is have surgery again especially one that cuts open my breast plate. yucky! There is a new drug that is currently being FDA approved that coupled with chemo has shown significant improvement on doing away with Triple Negative breast cancer. I am a candidate for trial use of this drug and I will be doing it. It's 2 types of chemo drugs plus this new drug- problem is, it is not for use for another month or so. So in the meantime my doctors do not want to wait and I will be doing another form of chemo to attack the cancer, but not remove me from the trial. Now I wait to get my chemo schedule I am assuming I will know next week when I begin.

I am not scared going into this chemo this time around, because I know what to expect. However some of the stuff I am expecting is still a dark cloud over my head. Hair loss (just when is was coming back), metallic taste, fatigue, nausea, yucky all those things(plus some) back again. But the return in investment seems much better- my life, can't beat that.

It's a strange thing this disease, from the outside I look healthy as ever, maybe a bit of weight gain but healthy. My skin and nails are the healthiest they have ever been. I have rosy cheeks decent energy it's been forever since I have even had a cold. But then there is cancer inside me trying so hard to take over. Most people see me and tell me how good I look and that makes them feel better. It's concept no one, including myself, understands she looks fine so she MUST be doing well. I am hoping and have a lot of confidence these new drugs will have my inside match my outside appearance. That will be a great day.

I am impatiently waiting for sunny Summer weather to arrive, until then I am savoring what fabulous jewels Spring brings. Beautiful white tulips on my coffee table, the rainy days that have my sweats and hot coffee screaming my name, my grass so green my husband enjoys touting that "we have the greenest grass in the neighborhood" so proud of his hard work which always makes me realize the grass is greener in my back yard. My white dog who always seems to find the one mud puddle we have and plays in it the day after we give her a bath. That always makes me laugh and bit irritated all the same time.

Until next time!

SMILE!
Kelly Freitas

The Desert

2010-02-22T22:02:00.000-08:00

Well I finally got my results from the PET scan today in the late afternoon. Just as I expected the bump under my arm is a lymph node with cancer, actually two little ones that feel like one.
The scan also showed 2 other lymph nodes near my chest wall. The good news, no major organs are involved. Besides the skin and the 4 lymph nodes that is all they found. The bad news, if, actually when I have surgery they will have to cut my breast plate open to get to those lymph nodes and also remove lymph nodes under my left arm also. So it's a much more invasive surgery than before.
Some other news, I will have to go on chemotherapy again. It is two new drugs they will be using on me this time. I see this a good and bad. Bad I have to go through chemo again- good that I still have a "weapon" against the cancer. My worst case scenario with this PET scan would have been if they told me it was in my organs and that I couldn't do chemo. Neither of those things happen. To add to the punch, I am going to call another Dr out of San Francisco that focuses on anti-cancer diets and acupuncture coupled with chemo. I am ready to pull out all my weapons on this cancer...even if it means giving up Starbucks (YES that's right people I said give up Starbucks! I mean business!!!)
Actually I feel better after my appt, yes it means a longer road but it's a road not a road block! Just a reminder for me to be grateful of all the things I have, people I love and trust in God to have method to all this madness. This Sunday Manny and I went to church and the sermon seem to hit closer to home than most. Father Rudy spoke of Jesus being sent through the desert and being tempted by the devil and he came through a long time of temptations and hardships. He explained that everyone has their time to spend in the desert but if you trust in God he will deliver great things and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am still in the desert, I know I will, I know I must get through this. God is on my side. My husband is on my side, My parents, My siblings, their kids, friends I sure have a lot of people on my side.

Thank you to everyone who posted comments here and on my Facebook wall, I may not always respond but know that I am reading and truly appreciative. Manny and I are really in awe of all the support you all have given us.

SMILE!
Kelly Freitas

Curve ball

2010-02-17T19:34:00.000-08:00

I probably should have taken up softball or baseball, I might have been more prepared for these constant curveballs...

My final days of radiation have been postponed. The reason, well, because the infamous rash like bumps have appeared outside the radiation area. Also Tuesday morning I found another lump under my left arm. (My original tumor was on my right side.) There I was in the shower, where at least one week I give myself a check up. It's really stupid and scary all at the same time you feel around hoping you won't feel anything and every little bump makes you lose your stomach. Well Tuesday morning I felt a lump and I definitely lost my stomach. Manny did ask me "what's wrong" that morning and I hid it from him. I didn't want to scare him and I didn't want it to be real. So off to radiation I went and as I am laying down on the table my doctor noticed my rash bumps outside the radiated area right away, which alarmed him. Then I forced myself to tell him about the lump I found earlier that morning. The look on his face for some reason made me very upset, and while I was not crying at that moment he told me "you are very strong!" it was then after he said those words I start to cry, I couldn't hold back any longer. First time ever crying in the doctors office since being told I had cancer. I was trying so hard to stop but I couldn't. I didn't want to be the person that cries and the other person feels like they can't console because you don't really know them. Even worse I felt so horrible for my favorite nurse who I could tell I upset, bringing me tissues and looking away trying to not let me see her upset.

Well I finally calmed down. The Dr explained to me he is going to call my surgeon and oncologist before he moves on with radiation that PET is a must at this point... to see where else it may have travelled and to confirm whether or not what we found is what we think it is. UGH.
So Friday morning I will have my second PET scan. Please pray that what they find is nothing.

Thanks for reading, and I apologize if this post is a bunch of rambling.

Until Next time,

SMILE! (and please pray!)
Kelly Freitas and Manny too!

Red Spree

2010-02-09T11:26:00.001-08:00

So with only 7 radiation treatments left I am SO ready to be done with these treatments! I had to take a 2 day “break” from radiation because I was in major pain and getting fevers. It is nice not to have to wake up and head straight to the hospital everyday, but really it just means I have postponed the end date 2 more days. Since I am ready to be done with this I would almost rather not have this “break”. My skin shows all the signs of radiation treatment, red, blisters, dry flaking skin, sore and tender. I am lucky most of the feeling in that area is numb, but the places I still have feeling boy does it hurt, sharp pains waking me up in my sleep or feelings of the worst bruise I have ever had. I try and wake up everyday geared up and ready to go. Put on my heels and walk into that hospital with a smile. In fact one of my favorite nurses joked with me the day I wore Uggs to treatment…”You must not be feeling well; you’re not wearing heels!” She was right that was the day I came in with my white flag and said okay you win! That was also the day they told me I needed a break. So really who’s winning-the cancer? Not if I can help it.

When I was 10 years old my parents bought a Red Honda Spree moped. I believe it was supposed to be for my sister but we all got to use it. We took it camping a lot. So much fun to drive that thing before I really was even supposed to drive. Well I never forget the day my father taught me how to drive that scooter. I have spoken about this day to many people as an example of how I was raised, how my parents always pushed us to do better. Well there I was 10 years old and probably had no business being on a scooter at the time. My dad wanted me to learn to ride it and so did I. He took me down the street to a developing neighborhood with empty lots and a newly paved street. I had on my red helmet got on the scooter and could barely touch the ground to keep it from falling over. I first learned to start it, then he showed me how to give it gas to go and how to break. My hands where a bit shaky when I took off, a little wobbly clinching the break every so often to slow myself down. I finally got to a dead end where I had to turn around. My dad yelling “Okay turn around” and I was terrified because I knew this was going to be hard. So I slowed down and began to turn. Instead I fell to the side scrapping my leg and the new paint of the scooter, my dad came over picked up the scooter and helped me up. I was crying not only because it hurt but because I was scared. Then he looks at me and says “Get back on!” then he smiled. I said “NO”, be he insisted I get back on and try it again. I cried and said “no” but that didn’t bother him. He insisted again that I get back on and try it again, so I did. Terrified I got on the scooter and tried and tried dropping the bike a few more times on myself. Crying and arguing with my dad that “I just can’t do it” he disagreed and kept insisting. Then finally I made the turn with out falling and did it again and again. I was so happy I went from crying to laughing, still a little bit scared but so happy I finally did it. Little did I know that my lesson in scooter driving would eventually lead to a lesson in life. I am now on this different ride and so ready to get off but I know I can’t I must keep going-keep trying so that when I do finish I will be happier than ever. “No pain no gain”, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”, many sayings and phrases that I live by now. I now that the outcome will be so grand I will be smiling ear to ear. I must have patience waiting for that day. Patience-not one my better qualities.

I more recently have also been so focused on all the things I “can’t” do. Things like, I can’t work, I can’t swim, I can’t start my family, I can’t loose weight, I can’t keeps ringing in my ears. Bothered so badly at what I have been going through. I know this is not good for me so I haven been trying to focus on what I can do. I can meet my sister for lunch, I can take a nap in the middle of the day when I don’t feel well, I can go for a walk, I can sleep in, I can do lots of things. I just need to remind myself all the things I do have not what cancer has temporarily taken away from me.

Get back on that scooter and keep going.

Until next time,

SMILE!
Kelly Freitas

A better year!

2009-12-28T15:50:00.001-08:00

With Christmas behind me and New Years Eve just around the corner, I am looking forward to 2010! 2009 was supposed to be the year I could remember forever. Nothing but sweet memories of marrying the man of my dreams, our wedding year, all the parties thrown in our honor and fun gifts, my big white silk dress I can only wear once… and that veil GOD I loved my veil. Instead, 2009, has a dark cloud over it. I will always have fabulous memories of my our wedding day, it was the last day Manny and I spent in this newlywed bliss before the big C word made an (unwelcome) entrance into our lives. 2009 will have a tie for first with memories of this battle I, WE have been facing. This bully who is trying to take over. I guess I should have known when I impaled my behind on a champagne glass at the stroke of midnight; I was in for quite a year!

Radiation treatments have begun, the planning for treatment takes a lot longer then the treatments do. There are about 3 appointments where I must lie in place with arms over my head for about an hour while they x-ray, draw, x-ray, draw move me a little, x-ray, draw then tattoo me. The ladies were nice enough to play some good music while I lied there. They are all so kind there; complimenting my shoes or my hair accessory for the day. It helps me to forget I have my top off and I am lying there getting blasted with radiation while they do their work. A typical day only lasts about 20 mins at most, then I goop myself with Aloe Vera, get dresses and come home. I do this daily for 33 treatments. This will put me at about February 5th.

Last week, I noticed the rash again, my oncologist was on vacation for the Christmas holiday so I met with the surgeon and the radiology oncologist. Who both agreed, they are 99.9% sure it’s the cancer present in my skin again. ugh. Merry F*ing Christmas to me! They can’t do a biopsy because that would hold up my radiation appointments and since this bully is already back they really need to radiate the area as much as possible. So I am going to be re-aligned for radiation targets and get set for what they call a “boost” at the end. All I can do is hope and pray that the radiation will do its job and I will be cancer free. I am fighter and I won’t stop fighting, but I am about all fought out… I mean how much more can I do. I have cut my boob off, made it through months of chemo and now radiation. I just want ONE thing to work. I pray that radiation works…otherwise I am not sure of the next step or where else this bully has been attacking in my body. Well, I can’t think negatively, in fact I MUST think positively. I want a family and if I am going to have one I need to see the light at the end of this tunnel.

So cheers to a better year, cheers to 2010!

Keep Smiling!
Kelly Freitas
xoxo

Sweet memories, our first dance, bliss… Thank you Jill for capturing this!

Happy Holidays!

2009-12-14T13:07:00.001-08:00

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year!” haha! I love this time of year, the smell of the tree in my home, twinkle lights everywhere, yummy Holiday drinks at Starbucks and good times spent with family. So much fun, I sit and have breakfast by my tree almost every morning with Christmas music playing in the background…it’s the little things that make me happy.

Since last I wrote I have had quite a lot going on. One Friday Nov 20th, I had my single mastectomy plus 20 lymph nodes removed, spent 3 days and two nights in the hospital. It was good to have the help of the nurses but I was ready to come home. It was very difficult to move around, get dressed and do just basic little things. With this surgery you lose mobility of your arm. For the most part I could move it but not very high or even carry anything heavy or put any weight on it. This created lots of sleepless and painful nights, however with a few little stretches I have been able to get a lot of movement back, but not 100%, it comes with time I am told. I am not very patient.

The test results of the removed breast and lymph nodes showed that my tumors are all not hormonal, which means I can still carry my own babies after all this and no year long cancer or 5 year chemo pills. YAY. It also showed that I had 4 tumors in that breast, so a mastectomy was inevitable. Out of the 20 nodes removed only 5 had cancer in them, which is also good news because I originally had at least 10 before. Which means the chemo did it’s job. So far all the margins came back clean so things are looking good.

On the subject of chemo there was some discussion of me doing chemo again, I am extremely happy to report that I will not have to do chemo again! My oncologist spoke with multiple doctors and all agreed that it may cause more harm than good and not to give me more. I will be starting radiation ASAP, we must wait for my incision to be healed properly… well it is healed properly so I have my radiation appointments starting next week. I will be receiving radiation everyday of the week for 5 or 6 weeks (I can’t remember! haha) I hoping that I don’t have to get it on Christmas Day only because we are having Manny’s family over for a Christmas Brunch and that would really screw things up!

So far I haven’t missed my breast, it is hard to see an 8” incision where your breast used to be, but then I remember it almost killed me and I will soon get a fake one in it’s place! It’s funny but having short hair makes me feel like less of a woman than missing a boob does. I am not sure if that is because I am so used to having long hair or because once I have my stuffed bra and a shirt on it’s not noticeable, maybe both, but either way that is how I feel, silly things. It’s not so much less of a woman but more so less girly, so you will see that I put flowers in my hair “so people know I am girl” haha! Vain of me but at least I feel better! Funny thing is as a baby I didn’t have any hair until I was about 2 years old so my mother would put bonnets on my head “so people knew I was a girl” here I am years later doing the same thing! haha

Well I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday and can appreciate all the blessings that are in front of us. I know I have quite a few things that I am thankful for.

Merry Christmas! XOXO
Kelly Freitas

Pic of me enjoying the snow at Disneyland, before surgery

Pic of me and my sis-in-law celebrating her birthday 12/09/09

Bittersweet

2009-11-11T11:46:00.001-08:00

Today is a bittersweet. As I type, I am taking in my last day of chemo drip by drip. That is a wonderful reason to celebrate. I made cupcakes, my mom brought sandwiches and we also brought wine for the doctors and nurses. Unfortunately I can’t drink now although I may drink a glass of champagne later myself. hee hee

The bitter part of my day involves this darn rash and skin biopsy. You know they always say “no news is good news” (those they people seem to be right sometimes). Last night at about 6:00pm our phone rang and it was my surgeon telling me that the skin rash is indeed cancer that spread or possibly the same tumor. So that means surgery ASAP. Next week on Friday(Nov 20th) actually. They will remove the whole breast, nipple and full node dissection on the right side, since there was 10 nodes involved they want to all. I believe there are 20 on that side. I don’t really care to have a boob, I may feel differently once its gone similar to when I first lost my hair. But I know I won’t care in the long run if it means… my health and a chance to start my family. I really want to know what our kids will look like, selfish I know! ; ) The reason a mastectomy bothers me is because the surgery is harder, plus the lymph nodes double hard. Ohwell I have one of the BEST surgeons in the silicon Valley, this was voted by the people and numerous doctor magazines and I concur.

The long term plan: I will still have radiation after surgery. My oncologist will also run the results of the tumor (after surgery) by Stanford to make sure I will need any more chemo just to be safe. Even Doctors get second opinions.

So as of right now the decision of whether or not to do a lumpectomy vs mastectomy has been made for me, which is good to not have another decision to make.

So I must get back to Laverne & Shirley(Tia Frances & Mom) and my husband!

SMILE!
Kelly Freitas

A rash…

2009-11-10T09:47:00.001-08:00

So… Monday we went to visit the surgeon, for what we thought would be a follow up and schedule the surgery. Unfortunately, the appointment didn’t go as smoothly as planned.

On the ride up to San Jose I was nervous to finally have a date for surgery. I was convincing myself this was going to be my new obsession, this date. A count down to remove this tumor. So as I arrived to the Dr’s office we went through the standard procedure, waiting in the waiting room, being called in, weighed, then showed into a room where I undress on top and replace my warm clothes with a paper vest.

In walks my surgeon, he says I look good and compliments my hat. After checking my blood pressure and checking to make sure I don’t have lymph nods that seem cancerous. Then he wants to examine the tumor, so I lay back and put my right arm behind my head. It is then he notices a rash. A rash that has only been there for 4 days, something I noticed, showed Manny, but never thought anything of it. Well he noticed it and was a tad bit alarmed. He asked me how long it had been there. He then said “if you didn’t have cancer in this boob I wouldn't worry, but since you do this may mean cancer has spread to the skin, so I am going to do a biopsy”

….A RASH! REALLY!? That is all I can think at this point. Next thing I know a nurse is coming in with a syringe filled with local, a knife, some gauze and all the things a doctor needs to do a skin biopsy. FUN. So I lay there still with Manny holding my hand and my doctor cutting a small piece of skin off me, then stitching me back up.

What does this mean? Well it just means that if it has spread to the skin I will most definitely have a mastectomy and skin removed as well. DOUBLE FUN! I guess the positive way to look at this is that it will mean the boob is gone and any chance of recurrence has lowered. In the mean time, we wait for results which should be by the end of the week.

I will keep everyone posted as soon as I find out!

Thanks for listening.

SMILE!
Kelly Freitas

Mind Games

2009-11-03T18:58:00.001-08:00

“Each day you stay positive is putting you another step closer to happiness.”

This quote is so true, and if there is one thing I have learned is that, for me, cancer is a mind game. Constantly trying to convince myself to overcome fears, think positively and find the good in all the bad. I usually win this battle but there are times I don’t and most recently the biggest fear for me is the surgery, keeping me up at night and waking me from nightmares. Manny keeps reminding me “Kel, just remember to be excited to remove this tumor out of your body!” So, when I am afraid… of things like major surgery, spending the night in the hospital, removing lymph nods, possible mastectomy, I try and remember the positive my husband so clearly points out to me. This unwelcome disease will soon be gone, removed from my body!

I know it’s been quite awhile since I have written on here, and I think this is partly because I have been having such bad thoughts about the surgery I didn’t have anything positive to say and couldn’t bring myself to speak so negatively. In reality the more I talk about my fears the better I feel about it. Like my cousin Julie pointed out to me, fears are better overcome when you face them and not avoid them. So here I am facing them and dealing with it.

I have recently also gone on disability, which was another hard move for me. It was yet another reminder that I had cancer and “couldn’t” do something. Now I realize that it truly is better for me and I have more time to do things that make me happy and healthy. So every morning I can I get up early and go for a walk with my dog and that feels great!

So if anyone is up for a walk or lunch feel free to give me a call! ; )

Here is something positive, with only 2 chemo treatments left, I am already growing hair! AMAZING, most patients don’t have hair growing back until after chemo but that Portuguese hair sure is tough! Funny enough now that I have more hair on my head I have less eyebrows and eyelashes… always something! haha!

Here are some pics you may or may not want to see! Me bald!

Me with no hair, but eyebrows and lashes!

Me with hair, but drawn in brows and no lashes.

Until next time (I promise to not wait as long)

Smile!
Kelly Marie Freitas

Walsh art

2009-09-14T21:44:00.001-07:00

My surgeon drew all over me today marking where the tumor was and marking where my biopsy was taken all while my husband stood and watched... what a great way to spend a Monday. hah! He is the best surgeon in the Silicon Valley(voted by the people) I still get very nervous every time I have to go see him. This time he delivered nothing but good news, tumor much smaller, looks like a lumpectomy will do the job. But the thought of surgery makes me sick to my stomach. I hate surgery, okay so I am trying to eliminate the word “hate” from my vocabulary, I dislike surgery very much. The thought of being cut open, removing chunks of whatever from me, including lymph nods. Being put under with anesthesia is the worst part for me, loss of control, waking up the whole experience makes my mind go crazy and my stomach a ball of nerves!

But, again, I must think positive so this surgery will ultimately remove this God-awful disease from my body including a few lymph nods that were also infected. He thinks sometime after Thanksgiving for this surgery. My last chemo treatment is Nov 11th and my body needs about 2 weeks to 1 month to recover enough before surgery. Then he will go in and work his magic. I will stay overnight and have some sort of drain bag in me for a week. If all goes well then I will have radiation soon thereafter. There is a chance he would have to go back in for a full mastectomy if the disease wasn’t completely removed, but I will hope and pray that a lumpectomy will be enough. I also hope I become a bit more excited for this surgery rather than nervous.

Over the weekend I was excited to attend the annual Kinship Food & Wine Tasting. This year I was the DD for the crew that joined Manny & I… first time ever! It was wonderful getting out and seeing everyone. We even went to a couple bars including one that had a band and I danced every chance I got. I was just happy to get out and not be at home… even if it meant squeezing hand sanitizer on my hand every 20 minutes! ; )

Me excited DD for the evening!

Sam & I got a picture in also ; ) I swear I am wearing a dress!

Until next time

SMILE!
Kelly Freitas

The grass is greener…

2009-09-05T13:41:00.001-07:00

In my back yard! Literally! My husband, father and family have been working hard on our yard and we are no longer the ugly duckling of the neighborhood! Here is a before and after…

After!

Isn’t it AMAZING?!

Now figuratively speaking the grass IS greener for me these days! With 2 of the new treatments behind me and only 10 more to go! These treatments so far have been 100 times easier to handle. I am so happy to have more good days than bad and all the while still killing cancer. These weekly treatments were a bit scary for me at first but now that I have completed two it’s not that bad. During treatment I am pumped with Benadryl, which completely knocks me out. It starts with a little bit of slurring words, eyes drooping maybe some “I love You, Man” to the nurse then finally I ~~pass out~~ sleep for bit. Alright, it’s not college life, but it’s the best buzz I get these days and I will take it over the alternative! hee hee!

Below is a picture of my temporary office on Wednesday's, Tia Frances joined me again ; ) partly because she wanted to and partly because she had to drive me! My mom broke her foot gardening the night before. OUCH!

More green grass… My brother and family have been planning the awesome event in honor of me. (I really don’t know how I am going to go back to life before cancer, I am soooo spoiled now!) Anyway, they have this great Pink Rock Benefit Concert (click there or here) planned to help raise money for my bills and fertility treatments (you should see our mailbox these days!). I am just so grateful to have people like this around me I have so much support in so many ways it’s hard to thank everyone enough. If you can make it I would love to see all of you. Music, good people and good times!

Hope you have an amazing day and can find your “green grass”

Until next time,

SMILE!
Kelly Freitas

Benefit Concert!

2009-09-05T12:42:00.001-07:00

My brother, Dave Alvernaz and my family have been kind enough to put together
a fun event where everyone is welcome! The flyer is below and if you have any questions please feel free to contact the phone number or email Manny at mannyfreitas@hotmail.com

We would love to see you there!

A/C treatment DONE!

2009-08-20T21:57:00.001-07:00

That title is probably Greek to most of you! But my first run of chemo treatments are done! YAY! A/C (aka Adriamycin & Cytoxan) are the two drugs I have been taking the past 8 weeks. Now I am officially done with those which means NO MORE NAUSEA! That little red devil (A of the A/C) is a real doozy and I am happy to be through that! One of the strongest woman I know kept me company during this small milestone, she is Tia Frances! My everyday inspiration doesn’t come from inside me, it comes from the people all around. I am who I am because of the people around me. She is someone I will always admire and little did I know her strength was something I needed that day. This last treatment really kicked my butt. Physically I was wiped out! Fever, tired, achy, sore throat, hot flashes… you name it I had it! I do typically get all of these symptoms after treatment this time they were just much more intense, I guess it was the A/C saying one last good bye to me… well CIAO you red devil, I am happy to see you leave.

Me and Tia Frances, of course my other rock, my mom took this photo!

Along with these physical crash days I go through, my spirit is slowly working its way down. I am sure the constant sickness and the inevitable road ahead are part of this loss of positive thoughts. However I have to say sometimes it feels really good to cry. As I have said before I am human and this is a tough road- most the time I do smile my way through it. But there are things that get me, like after one of my crash days when I have spent the entire day laying on the sofa with zero sleep and still feel like crap! Or when I look at myself in the mirror and the long brown hair is now a bald head! Or when my husband and mother have to do most or all the housework, make my meals while I just lay down. Or I hear of someone expecting a baby, bittersweet emotions overcome me, extremely happy for them but burst into tears because I can’t do that right now. Little things like this just overwhelm me more often these days. I want so badly to just go back to being a 30 year old who just got married and go to work everyday, meet friends for drinks and worry about the stupid stuff.

This journey no doubt has changed me, I have a new perspective on what is really important in life. I thought I understood this before, but I didn’t. I appreciate the days I do feel good and I try make those days better by being with the people that make me happy. Watching movies, hanging out just being with them period, no excuses just happy laughing. These are the days that make the sad days fewer and far between. I am happy the medicine is working and happy to be one step closer to finishing chemo!

Until next time…

SMILE!
Kelly Freitas

Kelly vs. Cancer

2009-08-09T08:50:00.001-07:00

And Kelly is taking the lead!!! ; )

Okay enough of third person. Since last I wrote I had my 3rd treatment where my mom joined me, it was a quiet day in the office, then Julie surprised me with flowers and her company, including her 2 little ones. It was such a great end to my treatment.

Me and my mom at treatment 3, sporting my wig

I went to my surgeon on Thursday for a follow up and check up to make sure my chemo is working as expected. Well it is and he measured my tumor and estimates it is HALF the size it was!!! YEE HOO!! That’s right half the size he stated that if the rest of my treatment goes like this I will most likely be a lumpectomy as planned! DOUBLE YEE HOO!!

Until Next time!

SMILE!
Kelly Freitas

It’s Official, I am a Sinead O’connor look alike

2009-07-20T17:05:00.001-07:00

Well this weekend my hair started falling out in chunks! Every time I touched it or combed it Manny and I were in amazement on how much came out. Manny was even more amazed at how much was still on my head! I knew I had a lot of hair but it was insane how much would come out and my hair still looked okay. That was until I took a shower on Saturday. As most of you know I am pretty happy and positive most the time, but I am human and I do have my moments. Saturday in the shower was that moment for me. The hair came out, and came out and came out, and I freaked out! Crying and screaming for Manny, he came up right away and the first thing he says to me, “babe, it will grow back…you look beautiful!” It was really hard to get out of this funk, standing there wet while Manny held me, reminding me to stay positive and cheer up. After a while I did cheer up, and we went to hang out with family. Always a good distraction, family, nephews, niece all there enjoying each others company.

I always said I would shave my head when I was ready, well Sunday I was ready. It was getting everywhere and the inevitable was coming so why not buzz it right? Well we set up shop in our master bathroom. I even pulled up the webcam so my sister could watch and cheer me on via her web cam. Manny first started by cutting it short, giving me a lovely bi-level cut, a Victoria Beckham look, then some sort bangs and short do that made me look like a Beatle! He then pulled out the clippers put on a #4 and started shaping my hair for a Mohawk… which I think I rocked pretty well! I even took the clippers to my own head for a bit. After styling the Mohawk and taking photos, we finally finished the job. Took a few more pics and voila! I am now sporting a new short do. Here are some pics from the Mohawk! Let me know what you think, I love reading comments!

Me and my “Rock-On” pose!

Another angle of the hawk, also the final product with a Rosie pose! (ignore all the hair on my shoulders… Yuck!)

Keep an eye out for me and my new wig.

Ciao for now!

Smile,
Kelly Freitas

2 down!

2009-07-16T17:49:00.001-07:00

Well I have officially completed Chemo #2, yesterday! Yee hoo! This time it was my mother and Julie who joined me. Great way to pass the time, it seemed to go by faster with great company. Julie even brought along the game Clue (my favorite!) so sweet. We talked about me, talked about Julie and her upcoming baby (here’s hoping it’s a girl!) and watched the wedding video. All while killing cancer cells, awesome!

Me and Julie, after I had been hooked up to the drugs.

I had to tweak the photo a bit, the lighting in the office really makes you look like an oompa looma!

Since last time I have made it through chemo #1 and my side effects are pretty darn bearable! They are not fun, but bearable, no vomiting (YAY) Here is what I do have, nausea only when I get hungry, dry eyes and mouth, a metallic taste in my mouth, tiredness, headaches, short of breath (just the 1st few days), hot flashes, and when I wake up at night (every 2 hours or so) I feel like I am 200 pounds heavier and it’s really hard to get out of bed. With my blood booster shot I have about 24-30 hours of massive bone pain, in my lower spine and back, that was REALLY hard for me, especially at 3am when I am dog tried and the only thing that helped was standing up. I waited a half hour for the Tylenol to kick in, then finally got to lay down and fall asleep. (I think all the moms out there recognize most of these side effects as pregnancy! LOL) And the week before this treatment I felt like myself again. Same energy as before my white blood cells were “normal”, and my platelets and red were “great” So in the clear for treatment #2.

All the nurses and doctors where amazed that I still had all my hair! Although I say “had” because it is definitely coming out now, and I have sooo much it may just take longer than usual. But either way, it’s just hair, it grows back. I just hope my eyebrows stay, hee hee. MJ (aka Manny, or Manuel Joseph) and I are all set to take the clippers to my head. He has been dying to do this. I on other hand can wait until it’s absolutely necessary. We will keep you posted!

My sister made me an awesome necklace with the help of friends and family! Everyone pitched it with a bead (big & small) to make a large necklace that goes past my belly button. But stylish me ; ) wears it wrapped around twice and I think it looks great that way! The necklace came with many letters of encouragement and details of why and who picked which beads. Manny joked that he would only have a bracelet if the same was made for him! ha-ha I am so lucky to have so many people who love me, or like me enough anyway.

Me and my necklace, notice the double up style ; )

Also, my (new) sister-in-law, Shawna arranged a dinner plan for me. It has been great and always delivered the day I need it the most. Perfect! I am afraid I will be to spoiled once all of this is done, then I will have to cook dinner myself again GASP! the HORROR! Ohwell all good things have to come to an end eventually right, then you never are as grateful if it didn’t right? Ohwell, I still have time to enjoy these delivered dinners. Thank you to everyone pitching in they have all been delicious!

Well I am off to spend the evening with my hubby, I am currently working from home and like it so far.

Until next time,

SMILE!
Kelly Freitas (2 months today with me new name!)

Lucky Lady!

2009-07-06T22:08:00.001-07:00

I really should buy a lottery ticket today. So the fantastic 4 (Me, Manny, Anthony (my father-in-law) & My mom) started off the day with a great start! First stop the Fertility Doctor, I needed to have my blood tested to make sure my hormones are coming back down at a steady pace, which they are. We also found out that we are officially freezing 9 babies! Which is a GREAT number and 7 of the embryo’s are graded A’s and 2 are graded A- just like in school, they are already honor roll students! ha ha!

Then off to get my white-cell booster shot from the Oncologist, typically a single shot the day after treatment, well my insurance company won’t cover this shot because it is too expensive. Instead I have to get a more affordable shot that I have to get daily! Which means driving to San Jose EVERYDAY! WHAT! NO! After a couple of phone calls the insurance finally approved the at home version of these daily shots. After the fertility shots this is easy for Manny, not as easy for me it burns going in. But I am happy that I don’t have to drive to San Jose everyday and pay a $25 dollar co-pay every visit. It costs a little more to get them at home but the trade off is much better. Plus after I finally got mine today I had a bit more energy and didn’t feel as tired. The Dr. stopped by to chat with us and see how I was feeling. They were all pretty impressed at how well I was doing, I myself was feeling very excited at the minimal side effects I have had. I am extremely tired, short of breath only when I exert myself (on walks or walk upstairs fast) I do have a metallic taste in my mouth at all times. Finally I do feel nauseous only when I am hungry, so as long as I have my 6 small meals a day I am great! let’s hope it stays like this!!!! ; )

After waiting for my surgeon to get out of emergency surgery, he did a follow up/check up of my port. It’s looking great, and it works wonderful which we already knew. He also did a follow up exam on my tumor measured it and said “It’s smaller!” I couldn’t believe my ears! Already from Thursday to Monday, smaller (just a wee bit but heck who cares SMALLER!)! FABULOUS! Before chemo and finding out I had cancer, I did have a LOT of pain where the tumor was, that has gone away since chemo started, so I knew it was working but I didn’t realize it would work that well! The news that I don’t have the gene also means the medicine I am on is that much more effective so that is yet another thing to be happy about.

Fourth of July was great! I wasn’t very tired and got to enjoy the block party outside our new home! We have the most amazing neighbors and are happy to have chosen the house we did. They really are welcoming, caring and an awesome group of people. We all BBQ’d in our front yard, then at dusk started lighting off the fire works, stopping only to watch the perfect view of the local school firework show. My parents and Manny’s parents joined us that evening, they had a great time too. I can’t wait to spend many 4th of July’s here. The first was already great, considering. Although at about 10:30 I came inside and fell asleep right away! Apparently Manny and Adela were having a conversation with me… oops!

Anyway here are some pics from the 4th and the picture of me and my favorite nurse at my first treatment that I promised.

Until next time!

SMILE!
Kelly Freitas

Me and my favorite nurse while getting 1st chemo treatment!

Waiting Game...

2009-07-02T21:54:00.001-07:00

So treatment #1 down, 11 more to go! 3 more of the bad ones (A/C 2 drug combo), and then I will have weekly Taxol shots for 8 weeks. It feels good to have one over and done with! But now a waiting game... waiting to see if, when or how I react. Typically these side effects start about 3 to 4 days after treatment. So I wait, to see if and how I react, let's hope not too bad. I sat next to a girl who said she didn't have too much nausea was just very tired and some mouth sores. She also had most of her eyebrows! LOL I don't know why but that made me happy!

Here is a pic during treatment, I have a great one of everything with drip and nurse but that is being held hostage in my camera, I will put it up shortly.

Details of Treatment 1: well I went in today extremely nervous. I was worried about so many things and mostly the unknown of how it was going to effect me and would it hurt going in. Well once they started it it was great. Nothing hurt! in fact I am even more so excited that we decided to get the port put in. It makes it SO much easier and less painful this way. A woman also getting her treatment with out the port had a terrible time and they had to try a few times to get the vein in place, I felt sad for her but grateful I had a port. So after they stuck the needle into the port I sat there for about 2 hours getting different meds. First the nausea med mixed with steroids dripped for about 20mins, then the “red drug” Adriamycin, it looks like cool aid, and that one only takes about 10 minutes, then finally Cytoxan for about an hour or more. Drip drip drip, that is what I waited for. It was a busy day there today so I met a lot of other people, every chair was taken, and every person was cheerful and willing to give me tips. The gal sitting next to me, was finishing her Taxol treatment, she was having the same drug combo as me. She gave me multiple tips and recommendations on stores and such. Best part she already knew me! She is a friend of a friend (Kristie) so funny how we sat right next to each other today. So I left feeling much happier than when I arrived, and now we wait! I hoping and praying my side effects are minimal. I would hate spending the 4th with my head in the toilet, although I think I did this a few times in my college days!

The “red drug”

Things to be positive for, although I am beginning a dramatic medical treatment I still have quite a few things to be thankful for.

They are:
- Cancer is officially is on the offensive team and will not win! I am one step closer to getting rid of this. DE-FENSE! <clap, clap, clap>
- We found out today that I do NOT have the BRAC2 gene! Which is GREAT news, because if I did re-occurrence would have been more likely in my future and may have needed a double mastectomy to reduce the re-occurrence! YAY
- I am happy to have a port for easy use.
- I am grateful to have people around me, even it is 5 people accompanying me to my first appt. LOL Some people show up alone, and that would be hard for me.
- We have 11 eggs turning into embryo’s as I type, so technically we are officially parents! LOL
- People’s generosity has been amazing, dinner, flowers, thoughts, sweet emails or texts you name I receive it! So you wonder why I am so positive it’s hard not to be! Everyone keeps telling me how wonderful/strong/inspiring I am… It’s about time you all noticed! ha-ha JUST kidding!
- Right beside me my entire treatment were Connie’s Cowboy Cookies! and it’s not even Christmas, she needs her own cookie biz (watch out Mrs. Fields!)
- I am also Thankful to all my wedding guests who are patiently waiting for their “Thank you’s” I am hoping to get to those soon. <bad bride!>
- I received our wedding video today! YAY!
- I received a slideshow of some wedding photos LOVE them click here to check out my photographer’s blog for sneak peaks and a link to our slideshow.
- and finally, I am happy to have Manny he really is my soul mate/love of my life! he this has already made our marriage strong and us closer.

So please remember to kiss/hug/love someone you love today! They deserve to know it and so do you!

SMILE!
Kelly Freitas- Cancer Killing Extraordinaire!

I'm Wireless!

2009-07-02T11:25:00.000-07:00

So I sit here and the nauseau medcine is slowly dripping in me, and I have wireless! Yee Hoo!

Since I have wireless I thought I would share a funny story with you. Yesterday, when I arrived home after a long day, we had mail from a certain local hospital. Manny opened it and laughed.

Here is the gist of what is said:

"Dear Kelly,
We have found that your tumor is "probably benign" and it is time for your 6 month follow up. Please call us to make an appointment.

Thank you,
Dr From Said Hospital"

Ha ha! This the day before Chemo, was quite entertaining. ; ) Now you all know why I am planning on not having my babies much less a hang nail removed from this said hospital!

Port... and I am not talking wine, unfortunately

2009-06-29T10:35:00.000-07:00

Curious about this sexy picture of me... keep reading!

Well Friday my entourage and I went in at 5:30 am to O'Connor hospital for my port surgery. So early, we all were in a daze and I slept most the way there.

They prepped me for surgery and by 7:30 was completely out and ready for the port implant! For those who don't know what it looks like click here the disk is just under my skin and the catheter is in my vein. Like I said before this has been proven to be a much easier way to get the drug, and less painful. The surgery went smoothly and I woke up fine, although I get really wacky on anesthesia and usually spend my day sleeping, which I did.

Although when I first woke up I had a huge pain in my right eye, at first I though there was something in it, so the nurse started flushing my eye. Let me tell you, getting your eye flushed in bright hospital lights 2 mins out of waking up from surgery is no walk in the park! Apparently I just kept saying "My eye, my eye" and my entourage just thought I was "all drugged up!" yeesh well hours later it was still bothering me and it turns out I had a scratched cornea! The Dr suggested I wear a patch until it healed which helped a bunch! Of all things to have happen when I am in surgery I guess it could have been worse! LOL just wasn't expecting that. I am glad to be with out patch and seeing great today!

Tomorrow we finally get to harvest my eggs! This is also a surgery with anesthesia, once the eggs are out they add Manny's swimmers to them and make them babies, freeze 2 together and odd guys get frozen alone. So technically we will be parents to a bunch of frozen babies! I was told from a friend who has recently gone through breast cancer, that you will have so much help there is no way to thank everyone as much as you want, so instead you will need to learn to "pay it forward" So Manny and I decided that once all is said and done and we have the family we want we will donate those eggs to another couple who can't have a family of their own. But this will probably be years from now, but I am happy to know that we can possibly give this gift to someone else!

Anyway, Happy Monday! I am sure I will be blogging soon, since my first chemo is this Thursday.

SMILE!

Kelly Freitas

Ice, Ice baby!

2009-06-24T17:06:00.000-07:00

Well the oncologist okay'd my fertility treatment! So we are full steam ahead with freezing babies since the last I wrote. I am currently taking nightly shots to make each egg strong- and watch out octo-mom because I have 14 fertile eggs! ha-ha! Manny, thankfully gives me these shots and I see the fertility Dr every 1-3 days or so to monitor how it's going. I can tell you (and so can Manny) that the shots make you VERY hormonal and give you a really cute belly! If everything stays on track we will have egg retrieval Monday or Tues. Then they take Manny's little swimmers and make embryo's, this is because there is a better survival rate with embryo's than with eggs alone. So we have named them, Ice Cube, Frozen Pees and Ice Ice Baby! ; ) It has been quite fun experience, and the Fertility Dr. and her team have been extremely generous to us. Unfortunately even in my circumstance fertility treatment and drugs are not covered by insurance, and everything is very expensive, so they have kindly donated a few of the shots needed to do this treatment. It has been a huge blessing. My parents have also lent a helping hand for this which is more than anyone can ask for from a grandparent. I think I will make onesie's for my babies that say "Sponsored by Carlos & Amelia Alvernaz" hee hee!
So the worry that my early menopause will get in the way of us building a family is no longer a worry! I am blessed with that!

Now for the Cancer, I have what is called "Triple Negative Breast Cancer" which means in the three tests they run I am negative, I have a slight register on one of the them (HER = .4) but not enough to put me on a chemo drug called herceptin, which would have meant 1 year of meds! So that is another blessing! I am also having a gene test done ("Brac" test) to see if I carry the gene that is passed down and causes cancer. My grandfather (mom's dad) had breast cancer the year before I was born (I may have been in my mom's womb) he had a mastectomy and it never re-occurred. But my oncologist says the rarity of male breast cancer usually means they have the BRCA2 gene, and I may also have this gene from my grandfather, and this would at least tell me how I got breast cancer. Otherwise I will never know. Also this will help my siblings or cousins that they may also have it and to be cautious.

Instead I start with 2 drugs together (A/C) I do this A/C treatment 4 times every 2 weeks, beginning July 2nd. Every time I go I must have my blood cells counted to make sure they are high enough to proceed. That is the constant battle with the first four treatments keeping my blood cells and platelets stable. I am told that the first 4 are the worst and it gets easier as I go. After that I then get one drug (T) every week for eight weeks. I was told today that this every week treatment of this drug helps lessen the side effects, and I like less side effects. ; )
If all works as it's supposed to my lump should shrink and this is when I will have surgery to remove it and the lymph nodes that are also cancerous. We are also hoping this will be a lumpectomy rather than the mastectomy. Right now it would be mastectomy since it is 6cm x 6cm in size. My surgeon and oncologist are both confident that it will become a lumpectomy, so therefore so am I.

The best way to administer the drugs into my body is through a port, it has proven to be less painful this way. The port is a metal disk type thing surgically implanted under my skin on the opposite side of the tumor, threaded with a catheter into a vein on the same side as my tumor. The nurses will then inject into the port and will have no leaking into my body. (if it leaks into my body it is very painful) My surgery for the port is this Friday at 7:30 am in San Jose and I have to be there at 5:30 am! yucky! You all may see a bump on the left hand side of my chest after, now you will know what it is.

Side effects, they come a plenty and to warn most of you here is a list (click here) the most common is hair loss, which everyone should know. I should be very weak, and may also gain weight...translation I will be short, fat and bald! Manny is a lucky guy! ha-ha! But in reality I will work hard to keep the side effects, I can control, at bay. I will eat well, try and exercise often so my energy stays up. I am planning on starting yoga next week. I have already purchased a "cranial prosthesis" (aka a wig!) that I think looks pretty darn good. So if you see Manny walking around with some dark haired woman, not worry it's me!

I would like to end this with a BIG GIGANTOR thank you to everyone who has shown their kindness to my and my family. So many flowers and cards, prayers, books, retail therapy and generosity we have received! I am not sure I would be as nice if the roles were reversed, but I would like to think I would be. Again I would like to thank my entourage for accompanying me to every appointment, so much so that the Dr. offices are so confused to whom is actually being seen or shocked that we are all together. That also includes Adela for letting us use her van as our vehicle of choice these days, we will eventually figure out those darn automatic doors.

also might I add, that I am horrible with spelling and grammar, if you haven't already noticed!

SMILE!
Kelly Freitas

Long day!

2009-06-17T22:27:00.000-07:00

Well today has been such a long day! It started off this morning with a long awaited haircut (see pic)! YAY all that long hair is now short and sleek. My sister sat beside me as my hairstylist chopped my hair and we looked through fun pictures, while drinking Starbucks!

After the haircut, I needed to go straight to San Jose, for the first of many appointments and to-do's... the MRI. WOW is that noisy! They first ask you to get down to your skivvies, put on hospital gown (which looked great with my metallic heels) then they find a vein for an IV (apparently I have "tiny veins") then face down on a bed. The bed then rises and rolls into the MRI machine where tons of pictures are taken, and I had to stay completely still. After about 20 minutes of pictures they inject a liquid and take another set of pictures. Lots of beeping and clicking, they even give you ear plugs- It's loud!

Once I was done with that, it had been on my and Manny's (and of course Carla's, LOL) mind to be proactive about our future family plan. I had contacted my gyno about the situation and was questioning whether or not I should "freeze" some of my eggs, she agreed we should. She recommended a great place in San Jose, and after many phone calls with Carla and Manny, we were squeezed in at 2:00pm. Discussed some options, had and ultra sound and I am now on a nightly shot that will help with the egg harvesting. However, since we have yet to meet with an oncologist (that's Friday) we are not sure if I have the time needed to do this before chemo starts. I will have more answers on Friday. yay for future little Manny & Kelly's!

We then headed to O'Connor Hospital for my PET scan, which I had to fast for and by this point I was starving! Here they had to dip into that same vein for yet another IV, where this time they inject radioactive liquid and let it drip for about 1hour-1 1/2 hours, I have to sit quietly, with out moving for the most part- alone! Then finally you are off to be pictured again and this time you lay face up, no noise and get to wear your own clothes. With my arms above my head in another donut tube for 40 mins of photos, 7" at a time from head to knees. The lady who took the photos said it turned out fine. The photos are available for viewing right away to the Nuclear Manager, she then came in and gave us great news- it has NOT spread! Except for the one lymph nod under my armpit which my Dr had already assumed. This is GREAT news!

With smiles on our faces, Manny, my mom, Anthony (our personal driver this week!) headed up to radiology for a chest x-ray, and then ended with one more blood test! We then drove to Santana Row for a long awaited dinner- I ate every bite of my shrimp pasta. ; ) I am not sure what I would do with out my little entourage this week, they have been so helpful. I guess Manny also kept them entertained by telling our love story, which they say he should publish...we'll see!

Well I am off to bed, I will attempt going to work tomorrow. Friday I will have a follow up with the Fertility Dr, then meet with the Oncologist.

Until next time, thank you again for all your prayers it seems to be working- keep 'em coming!

SMILE, Kelly xoxo

Think positive!

2009-06-15T22:13:00.000-07:00

Well I wish I was beginning this blog with something positive, because I like to live that way, thinking positive. Instead I am bearer of bad news, I now have breast cancer, it has brought about so many emotions for me and makes me feel like I am watching a movie- and this is not my life.

But reality bites and it is my life, so I will think positive, and I know that the stubborn Portugee in me won't let something like this win. Manny and I (with the help of family) are taking all the next steps that come with finding out you have a disease like this. Blood tests, MRI, Oncologists, 2nd opinions, and buying a lot of books, including a calendar to keep all my new appointments straight. I think anyone who knows me, knows that I hate doctors and now they will become my new best friend, the people who keep me healthy, guide me through the steps to become cancer free.

Details: well we don't know too many details just yet except that I have cancer, it is in my breast and will most likely begin medicine and treatment before surgery. Once this week is over I hope to have everything figured out... as much as I can anyway. I will keep this blog up-to-date as much as possible so everyone can read up on how everything is going.

On a brighter note, Manny and I will celebrate 1 month as a married couple tomorrow! I guess the vows "through sickness and health" really hold true here in our home. He really has been great today, and I know this is hard for him also, so while you are thinking of me please remember to help him to because he is an awesome man (and husband) that needs some support also.
Thanks for reading and keeping us in your prayers, it really means a lot to have so much support from all of you!

SMILE!
Kelly Freitas