A better year!

With Christmas behind me and New Years Eve just around the corner, I am looking forward to 2010! 2009 was supposed to be the year I could remember forever. Nothing but sweet memories of marrying the man of my dreams, our wedding year, all the parties thrown in our honor and fun gifts, my big white silk dress I can only wear once… and that veil GOD I loved my veil. Instead, 2009, has a dark cloud over it. I will always have fabulous memories of my our wedding day, it was the last day Manny and I spent in this newlywed bliss before the big C word made an (unwelcome) entrance into our lives. 2009 will have a tie for first with memories of this battle I, WE have been facing. This bully who is trying to take over. I guess I should have known when I impaled my behind on a champagne glass at the stroke of midnight; I was in for quite a year!

Radiation treatments have begun, the planning for treatment takes a lot longer then the treatments do. There are about 3 appointments where I must lie in place with arms over my head for about an hour while they x-ray, draw, x-ray, draw move me a little, x-ray, draw then tattoo me. The ladies were nice enough to play some good music while I lied there. They are all so kind there; complimenting my shoes or my hair accessory for the day. It helps me to forget I have my top off and I am lying there getting blasted with radiation while they do their work. A typical day only lasts about 20 mins at most, then I goop myself with Aloe Vera, get dresses and come home. I do this daily for 33 treatments. This will put me at about February 5th.

Last week, I noticed the rash again, my oncologist was on vacation for the Christmas holiday so I met with the surgeon and the radiology oncologist. Who both agreed, they are 99.9% sure it’s the cancer present in my skin again. ugh. Merry F*ing Christmas to me! They can’t do a biopsy because that would hold up my radiation appointments and since this bully is already back they really need to radiate the area as much as possible. So I am going to be re-aligned for radiation targets and get set for what they call a “boost” at the end. All I can do is hope and pray that the radiation will do its job and I will be cancer free. I am fighter and I won’t stop fighting, but I am about all fought out… I mean how much more can I do. I have cut my boob off, made it through months of chemo and now radiation. I just want ONE thing to work. I pray that radiation works…otherwise I am not sure of the next step or where else this bully has been attacking in my body. Well, I can’t think negatively, in fact I MUST think positively. I want a family and if I am going to have one I need to see the light at the end of this tunnel.

So cheers to a better year, cheers to 2010!

Keep Smiling!
Kelly Freitas
xoxo

Sweet memories, our first dance, bliss… Thank you Jill for capturing this!

Happy Holidays!

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year!” haha! I love this time of year, the smell of the tree in my home, twinkle lights everywhere, yummy Holiday drinks at Starbucks and good times spent with family. So much fun, I sit and have breakfast by my tree almost every morning with Christmas music playing in the background…it’s the little things that make me happy.

Since last I wrote I have had quite a lot going on. One Friday Nov 20th, I had my single mastectomy plus 20 lymph nodes removed, spent 3 days and two nights in the hospital. It was good to have the help of the nurses but I was ready to come home. It was very difficult to move around, get dressed and do just basic little things. With this surgery you lose mobility of your arm. For the most part I could move it but not very high or even carry anything heavy or put any weight on it. This created lots of sleepless and painful nights, however with a few little stretches I have been able to get a lot of movement back, but not 100%, it comes with time I am told. I am not very patient.

The test results of the removed breast and lymph nodes showed that my tumors are all not hormonal, which means I can still carry my own babies after all this and no year long cancer or 5 year chemo pills. YAY. It also showed that I had 4 tumors in that breast, so a mastectomy was inevitable. Out of the 20 nodes removed only 5 had cancer in them, which is also good news because I originally had at least 10 before. Which means the chemo did it’s job. So far all the margins came back clean so things are looking good.

On the subject of chemo there was some discussion of me doing chemo again, I am extremely happy to report that I will not have to do chemo again! My oncologist spoke with multiple doctors and all agreed that it may cause more harm than good and not to give me more. I will be starting radiation ASAP, we must wait for my incision to be healed properly… well it is healed properly so I have my radiation appointments starting next week. I will be receiving radiation everyday of the week for 5 or 6 weeks (I can’t remember! haha) I hoping that I don’t have to get it on Christmas Day only because we are having Manny’s family over for a Christmas Brunch and that would really screw things up!

So far I haven’t missed my breast, it is hard to see an 8” incision where your breast used to be, but then I remember it almost killed me and I will soon get a fake one in it’s place! It’s funny but having short hair makes me feel like less of a woman than missing a boob does. I am not sure if that is because I am so used to having long hair or because once I have my stuffed bra and a shirt on it’s not noticeable, maybe both, but either way that is how I feel, silly things. It’s not so much less of a woman but more so less girly, so you will see that I put flowers in my hair “so people know I am girl” haha! Vain of me but at least I feel better! Funny thing is as a baby I didn’t have any hair until I was about 2 years old so my mother would put bonnets on my head “so people knew I was a girl” here I am years later doing the same thing! haha

Well I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday and can appreciate all the blessings that are in front of us. I know I have quite a few things that I am thankful for.

Merry Christmas! XOXO
Kelly Freitas

Pic of me enjoying the snow at Disneyland, before surgery

Pic of me and my sis-in-law celebrating her birthday 12/09/09